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1、EnglishJokes(英语笑话)IforgottoshakethebottleMother:Whyareyoujumpingupanddown? Tom:I'vejusttakensomemedicineandIforgottoshakethebottle. 妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？ 汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了。Getthekid.' Abitofadviceforthoseabouttoretire.Ifyouareonly65,nevermovetoaretirement
2、community.Everybodyelseisintheir70s,80s,or90s.Sowhensomethinghastobemoved,liftedorloaded,theyyell,'Getthekid.'这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”他到底想借什么？Areyouusingyoumowerthisafternoon?Mr.Johnson:Areyouus
3、ingyoumowerthisafternoon? Mr.Smith:Yes. Mr.Johnson:Fine.ThencanIborrowyourtennisracket,sinceyouwon'tbeneedingit? 约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？ 史密斯先生：是的。 约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？所有的烟卷都会点着的Allthecigaretteswillbeonfiresoonerorlater.Marywassodisgustedatherhus
4、band'scigarettesmokingthatshecomplainedtohimoneday. 'Ihopethatallthecigarettefactorieswillcatchfiresomeday.' 'Don'tworry,dear.Allthecigaretteswillbeonfiresoonerorlater.'Hesaidwithasmile. 玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天对他抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。” “不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着
5、说。Afineweapontokilltime"Doyousingandplaymuch?"ayoungmanaskedtheprettygirlwhowascarelesslythrummingthekeysofthepiano."Onlytokilltime."shereplied."You'vegotafineweapon,Imustadmit."venturedtheyoungman.Afunnythingwheniwasafreshmaninouruniversity,oneday,ournew
6、teacherwantustosaysthaboutyourselfthen,astudentstandedup,andsaid"icomefromshandong,andiwanttolearnmorewheniminuniversity,andhopegood,goodstudy,day,dayup.thenourteachersaiditischineseenglish,good,goodstudy,daydayupiswrongsentence,thenourteachersaidthereare
7、somanypeopleevensaid"iwillgiveyoucolorseesee",howfunnyitis!!TravelExpensesAbusinessmanwalkedintoaNewYorkCitybankandaskedfortheloanofficer.HesaidhewasgoingtoEuropeonbusinessfortwoweeksandneededtoborrow$5,000.Theloanofficersaidthebankwouldneedsomesecurityfo
8、rsuchaloan.ThebusinessmanthenhandedoverthekeystoaRollsRoycethatwasparkedonthestreetinfrontofthebank.Everythingcheckedoutandtheloanofficeracceptedthecarascollateralfortheloan.AnemployeethendrovetheRollsintothebank'su
