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1、HarvardPositivePsychology21RelationshipandSelf-esteemYouknowthisstoryaboutGertrudeStein,andshewastakingphilosophyclasswithWilliamJames,righthereintheArt.你们都听过格特鲁德.斯泰因的这个故事,她那时上WilliamJames的哲学课,就在哈佛拉德克利夫学院。Andtheyhadtheirfinalexam.Anditwasspringsemestercourse.Andshecomesi
2、ntotheexam.Andit’sadayliketoday.要期末考试了,她上的是春季班,她来到考场,就跟今天一样是个晴朗的日子。Andtheexamisaboutmetaphysics,andthemeaningoflife.Sosheopenstheexamandwrites,“Todayistoobeautifuladaytotakeanexam.”Andshewalksout.于是她打开试卷,写道:“多么美好的一天,不应该浪费在考试上。”然后走出了教室。Andyouknow,aslegendhasitofcoursesheg
3、etsastraightAinWilliamJames’class.而且传说WilliamJames的课程她全A通过。Don’tusethatasanexampleoranexcuselateroninthissemester.ButIreallyappreciateyoubeingheretoday.本学期考试时不要学她或者拿她当借口,不过我真的很感谢各位今天出席。Itisabeautifulday,Iwasthinkingofhavingtheclassoutside,butIthink…maybeweshould.Yeah.今天天
4、气非常好,我想过要到户外上课的,不过...也许我们应该去的,是的。Whatwearegoingtodotodayisfinishuponrelationships,wehavejustalittletogo,andthenstartwithourfinaltopicforthecourse,whichisself-esteem.今天我们要讲完爱情,还差一点就讲完了,然后我们会开始讲本课程最后一个话题,也就是自尊。Soletmejustrecapwhatwedidwhenwediscussedrelationships.先回顾一下上回讲到
5、的关于爱情的内容。Sowetalkedabouthowdowegivenournatures,howdoweattain,howdowesustainlastinglove,lastingpassionwhenitseemsonthephysiologicallevelatleast,thatournaturesarenotattunedtothatapproach.先回顾一下上回讲到的关于爱情的内容。我讲到了人类要如何...考虑到人的本性,人类要如何获得,维持长久的爱情与激情,因为从心理学角度看,这似乎有违人的本性。Andwetalk
6、edaboutwhenstudyingthebestrelationships,the“tipofthestem”fourcharacteristics,basedontheworkofDavidSchnarchandJohnGottman.当我们讲到研究那些最成功的恋情时,最成功的恋情有四个特点,根据DavidSchnarch和JohnGottman的研究发现的。Thefirstoneis:relationshipisthehardwork.It’sanillusiontothinkthatthemostimportantthingi
7、sfindingtherightrelationship.Itismoreimportanttocultivatethatonechosenrelationship.第一条是:经营爱情需要付出努力。人们往往误以为寻找最合适的爱情对象是最重要的,其实更重要的是如何经营你选择的爱情。Andjustlikewewouldnotthrive,succeedatwork,ifwesaid,”Well,Ijustfoundmydreamjob.”Andtheputourlegsupandrelax.就跟工作一样,如果我们找到了梦想中的工作,然后翘起
8、腿,什么也不做,是不可能成功的。Similarlywewouldnotthriveinarelationship,ifwehavethefindingmindset.Wejustneedtofinditan