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1、ContentsNewYear'sResolutionsJANUARYAnExceptionallyBadStartFEBRUARYValentine'sDayMassacreMARCHSevereBirthday-RelatedThirtiesPanic第1页共145页APRILInnerPoiseMAYMother-To-BeJUNEHah!BoyfriendJULYHuhAUGUSTDisintegrationSEPTEMBERUpTheFireman'sPoleOCTOBERDateWithDarcyNOVEMBERACriminalintheFa
2、milyDECEMBEROh,Christ---------------------------------------------------------------------------NewYear'sResolutionsIWILLNOTDrinkmorethanfourteenalcoholunitsaweek.Smoke.Wastemoneyon:pasta-makers,ice-creammachinesorotherculinarydeviceswhichwillneveruse;booksbyunreadableliteraryauth
3、orstoputimpressivelyonshelves;exoticunderwear,sincepointlessashavenoboyfriend.Behavesluttishlyaroundthehouse,butinsteadimagineothersarewatching.Spendmorethanearn.Allowin-traytorageoutofcontrol.Fallforanyoffollowing:alcoholics,workaholics,commitmentphobics,peoplewithgirlfriendsorwi
4、ves,misogynists,megalomaniacs,chauvinists,emotionalfuckwitsorfreeloaders,perverts.GetannoyedwithMum,UnaAlconburyorPerpetua.第2页共145页Getupsetovermen,butinsteadbepoisedandcoolice-queen.Havecrushesonmen,butinsteadformrelationshipsbasedonmatureassessmentofcharacter.Bitchaboutanyonebehi
5、ndtheirbacks,butbepositiveabouteveryone.ObsessaboutDanielCleaveraspathetictohaveacrushonbossinmannerofMissMoneypennyorsimilar.Sulkabouthavingnoboyfriend,butdevelopinnerpoiseandauthorityandsenseofselfaswomanofsubstance,completewithoutboyfriend,asbestwaytoobtainboyfriend.IWILLStopsm
6、oking.Drinknomorethanfourteenalcoholunitsaweek.Reducecircumferenceofthighsby3inches(i.e.1½incheseach),usinganti-cellulitediet.PurgeflatofallextraneousmatterGiveallclotheswhichhavenotwornfortwoyearsormoretohomeless.Improvecareerandfindnewjobwithpotential.Saveupmoneyinformofsavings.
7、Possstartpension-also.Bemoreconfident.Bemoreassertive.Makebetteruseoftime.Notgoouteverynightbutstayinandreadbooksandlistentoclassicalmusic.Giveproportionofearningstocharity.Bekinderandhelpothersmore.Eatmorepulses.第3页共145页Getupstraightawaywhenwakeupmmornings.Gotogymthreetimesaweekn
8、otmerelytobuysandwich.Putphotogra
