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1、英语幽默1.Doctor:Pleaseopenyourmouth,madam.Lady:Thankyouverymuch,doctor.Doctor:Whydoyouthankme?Lady:Becausemyhusbandalwaysaskedmetoshutup.2.Ateacheraskedaskedoneofhisstudents:"Whatisthelongestandwhatistheshortest?"Thestudentansweredimmediately:"Thelastseveralminutesofaclassisthe
2、longest,whilethelastseveralminutesofanexamistheshortest."3.TheteacheraskedTom:"Whydidyoucometoschoolsolatethismorning?""Someonelostoneyuan."AnsweredTom."Oh,nowIknow,youhelpedhimfindthemoney,"theteachersaid."No,Istoodonthemoneyuntilthepersonwentaway,"wasTom'sreply.4.Teacher:D
3、avid,whydon'tyouwashyourface?Icanseewhatyouhadforbreakfastthismorning?David:Whatwasit?Teacher:Eggs.David:Wrong,teacher.Thatwasyesterday.5.Teacher:Canyoutellmeanythingaboutthegreatscientistsofthe18thcentury?Pupil:Yes,sir,Ican.Theyarealldead.6.Tom:How'syourlittlebrother,Johnny
4、?Johnny:He'sillinbed.Hehurthimself.Tom:That'stoobad.Howdidithappen?Johnny:Webettedwhocouldleanfurtheroutofthewindow,andhewon.7.Amantravelingat130milesperhourontheroadwasstoppedbytrafficpolice."Sorry,officer."saidthedriver,"WasIdrivingtoofast?""No,sir.Youwereflyingtooslow."8.
5、Girl:RememberthatvaseyoualwaysworriedIwouldbreak?Mom:Ofcourse.Whataboutit?Girl:Yourworriesareover.9.Patient:Yousaycarrotisgoodforeyesight.Isthattrue?Doctor:Certainly.Haveyoueverseenrabbitswearingglasses?10.David:Didyouknowthatwearerelated?Neighbor:Goodness,howcanthatbe?David
6、:Yourdogandmydogarebrothers.11.Ayoungmanwasinlovewithabeautifulgirl.Onedayshesaidtohim:"Itismybirthdaytomorrow.""Oh,"saidtheyoungman,"I'llsendyouroses,oneroseforeachyearofyourlife."Thesameeveninghewenttoaflorist's.Asheknewthatthegirlwastwenty-twoyearsold,hepaidfortwenty-twor
7、osesandaskedthefloristtosendthemtothegirlthenextday.Whentheyoungmanlefttheshop,thefloristthought:"Thisyoungmanisaverygoodcustomer.Ithinkthatmypricewastoohigh.I'llsendtenmoreroses."Hedidso.Thenextmorningthirty-tworosesweresenttothegirl.Whentheyoungmancametoseeher,shedidn'tspe
8、aktohim.Andheneverknewwhyshewassoangrywithhim.12.Customer:Iwonderifthismilk
