1、26)Most of us are taught to pay attention to what is said—thewords. Words do provide us with some information, butmeanings are derived from so many other sources that itwould hinder our effectiveness as a partner to a relationshipto rely too heavily on words
2、alone. Words are used todescribe only a small part of the many ideas we associatewith any given message. Sometimes we can gain insight intosome of those associations if we listen for more than words.We don’t always say what we mean or mean what we say. Someti
3、mes our words don’t meananything except “ I’m letting off some steam. I don’t really want you to pay close attention towhat I’m saying. Just pay attention to what I’m feeling.” Mostly we mean several things atonce. A person wanting to purchase a house says to
4、 the current owner,“This step has to befixed before I’ll buy.” The owner says,“ It’s been like that for years.” Actually, the step hasn’tbeen like that for years, but the unspoken message is:“ I don’t want to fix it. We put up withit. Why can’t you?” The sear
5、ch for a more expansive view of meaning can be developed ofexamining a message in terms of who said it, when it occurred, the related conditions orsituation, and how it was said.When a message occurs can also reveal associated meaning. Let us assume two coupl
6、es doexactly the same amount of kissing and arguing. But one couple always kisses after anargument and the other couple always argues after a kiss. The ordering of the behaviors maymean a great deal more than the frequency of the behavior. A friend’s unusuall
7、y docilebehavior may only be understood by noting that it was preceded by situations that required anabnormal amount of assertiveness. Some responses may be directly linked to a developingpattern of responses and defy logic. For example, a person who says “No
8、!” to a serials ofcharges like “You’re dumb,”“You’re lazy,” and “You’re dishonest,” may also say “No!” and tryto justify his or her response if the next statement is “And you’re good look
