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1、SaulBellowDanglingManFirstpublishedin1944Therewasatimewhenpeoplewereinthehabitofaddressingthemselvesfrequentlyandfeltnoshameatmakingarecordoftheirinwardtransactions.Buttokeepajournalnowadaysisconsideredakindofself-indulgence,aweakness,andinpoortaste.Forthisisaneraofhardboiled-d
2、om.Today,thecodeoftheathlete,ofthetoughboy--anAmericaninheritance,Ibelieve,fromtheEnglishgentleman--thatcuriousmixtureofstriving,asceticism,andrigor,theoriginsofwhichsometracebacktoAlexandertheGreat-isstrongerthanever.Doyouhavefeelings?Therearecorrectandincorrectwaysofindicatin
3、gthem.Doyouhaveaninnerlife?Itisnobody'sbusinessbutyourown.Doyouhaveemotions?Stranglethem.Toadegre,eeveryoneobeysthiscode.Anditdoesadmitofalimitedkindofcandor,aclosemouthedstraightforwardness.Butonthetruestcandor,ithasaninhibitoryeffect.Mostseriousmattersareclosedtothehard-boile
4、d.Theyareunpracticedinintrospection,andthereforebadlyequippedtodealwithopponentswhomtheycannotshootlikebiggameoroutdoindaring.Ifyouhavedifficulties,grapplewiththemsilently,goesoneoftheircommandments.Tohellwiththat!Iintendtotalkaboutmine,andifIhadasmanymouthsasSivahasarmsandkept
5、themgoingallthetime,Istillcouldnotdomyselfjustice.Inmypresentstateofdemoralization,ithasbecomenecessaryformetokeepajournal-thatis,totalktomyselfandIdonotfeelguiltyofself.Indulgenceintheleast.Thehard-boiledarecompensatedfortheirsilence;theyflyplanesorfightbullsorcatchtarpon,wher
6、easIrarelyleavemyroom.Inacitywhereonehaslivednearlyallhislife,itisnotlikelythathewilleverbesolitary;andyet,inaveryrealsense,Iamjustthat.Iamalonetenhoursadayinasingleroom.Assuchplacesgo,itisnotbad,thoughtherearethestandardrooming-houseannoyances:cookingodors,roaches,andpeculiarn
7、eighbors.ButovertheyearsIhavebecomeaccustomedtoallthree.Iamwellsuppliedwithbooks.MywifeisalwaysbringingnewonesinthehopethatIwillusethem.IonlywishIcould.Intheolddays,whenwehadaflatofourown,Ireadconstantly.Iwasforeverbuyingnewbooks,faster,admittedly,thanIcouldreadthem.Butaslongas
8、theysurroundedmetheystoodasguarantorsofanextendedlife,
