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1、EveryyearintheUnitedStatesalone,2,077,000couplesmakealegalandspiritualdecisiontospendtherestoftheirlivestogether...(Laughter)andnottohavesexwithanyoneelse,ever.Hebuysaring,shebuysadress.Theygoshoppingforallsortsofthings.ShetakeshimtoArthurMurrayforballroomdancinglessons.Andthebigdaycomes.Andthey'll
2、standbeforeGodandfamilyandsomeguyherdadoncedidbusinesswith,andthey'llvowthatnothing,notabjectpoverty,notlife-threateningillness,notcompleteanduttermiserywilleverputthetiniestdamperontheireternalloveanddevotion.(Laughter)Theseoptimisticyoungbastardspromisetohonorandcherisheachotherthroughhotflashesa
3、ndmid-lifecrisesandacumulative50-lb.weightgain,untilthatfar-offdaywhenoneofthemisfinallyabletorestinpeace.Youknow,becausetheycan'thearthesnoringanymore.Andthenthey'llgetstupiddrunkandsmashcakeineachothers'facesanddothe"Macarena,"andwe'llbethereshoweringthemwithtowelsandtoastersanddrinkingtheirfreeb
4、oozeandthrowingbirdseedatthemeverysingletime--eventhoughweknow,statistically,halfofthemwillbedivorcedwithinadecade.(Laughter)Ofcourse,theotherhalfwon't,right?They'llkeepforgettinganniversariesandarguingaboutwheretospendholidaysanddebatingwhichwaythetoiletpapershouldcomeoffoftheroll.Andsomeofthemwil
5、levenstillbeenjoyingeachothers'companywhenneitherofthemcanchewsolidfoodanymore.Andresearcherswanttoknowwhy.Imean,look,itdoesn'ttakeadouble-blind,placebo-controlledstudytofigureoutwhatmakesamarriagenotwork.Disrespect,boredom,toomuchtimeonFacebook,havingsexwithotherpeople.Butyoucanhavetheexactopposit
6、eofallofthosethings--respect,excitement,abrokenInternetconnection,mind-numbingmonogamy--andthethingstillcangotohellinahandbasket.Sowhat'sgoingonwhenitdoesn't?Whatdothefolkswhomakeitallthewaytoside-by-sideburialplotshaveincommon?Whataretheydoingright?Whatcanwelearnfromthem?Andifyou'restillhappilysle
7、epingsolo,whyshouldyoustopwhatyou'redoingandmakeityourlife'sworktofindthatonespecialpersonthatyoucanannoyfortherestofyourlife?Wellresearchersspendbillionsofyourtaxdollarstryingtofigurethatout.Theystalkbliss
