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1、Myfather’swords不在场的教诲我最终从这种迷失的困境中走了出来，寻得意外的收获：通过写作来表达自己。而直到后来我才发觉，这是我用另一种方式去理解父亲的一个桥梁。这种方式引导着我接近一种新的激情，这种激情是我和父亲共同享有的，但是过去我并不知道。Beforetheyclosedmyfather’scasket,Ilefthimwithagift.Afterallhehadgivenme,itwastheleastandbestIcoulddo.HepassedawaythedayIgotmy1,000thcareerhit,inthefinalgameoft
2、he2002season,soathissideIlefttheballfrommymilestone.Besidesthesurrealandhorrifyinglastmomentofseeinghimlyinginpermanentstasis,itwasalsothefirsttimeIcouldremembergivinghimaspecialgameballwithouthimslippinga$10billintomyhandstocongratulateme.HisillnesskepthimoutofwhateverstadiumIwasplayin
3、ginduringthelatteryearsofmycareer,thoughthatdidn’tstophimfrompattingmeonthebackfromafarwithaphonecallorbywhatIcouldbestdescribeasa“spiritualmoment,”onewhenIwouldfeelhimsittingonmyshoulderadvisingmewhilereferencingapageoutofhispsychiatricrepertoire.Ileftbaseballin2005,withaTriple-Acontra
4、ctonthetablefromtheSanDiegoPadres.Ileftnotforphysicalreasons—I’dhadatornhamstringtendonin2003,butithadn’taffectedmyspeed—butbecauseitwasmyseasonforchange.SoIdecidedtowalkawayandonceIdid,likethevastmajorityofplayers,Iwaslost.ItwouldbethefirsttimesinceIlearnedtoswingabatthatIwouldspendane
5、ntiresummerwithouteverputtingonauniform.Evenifyougetagoing-awaypartyliketheonethePhilliesgavemeonJune25th,2005,whenIthrewoutthefirstpitchofthePhiladelphia-BostongameonanationalTV,oncethelastpartygoerwalksoutthedoorit’snolongeryouagainstthatfastball,itisyouagainstyourself.Soyouswimaround
6、tryingtofigureoutwhatyoung,retiredbaseballplayersdowiththeirlives.Forme,themomentwasstarkwithouttheguidingwisdomofmyfather,whocouldcommunicatewithmewithjustanodofhishead.Sincemyretirement,Ihavesearchedforthenextpassionthatcouldfillthevoidthatalifeplayingbaseballcreateswhenyouarenolonger
7、puttingonthosespikes.Itisadauntingjourney,andmanyplayersneverfindthatclosureorthatnextlove.Buttheykeeplooking,evenifotherpartsoftheirlivesarecrumblingbehindthem.Maybethatwaspartoftheproblem:searching.IfoundmyselfagreeingwhenIheardJohnLocke,themaincharacteron“Lost,”say,“Ifoundit
