习作评析（4）

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1、习作评析（4）　　习作题目　　图为上海102中学平面图，请将此图用英语作具体说明，以便于参观者了解该校的校园风貌。词数：120左右。　　说明：A.学校大门B.图书馆C.花池D.实验楼E.教学楼F.食堂G.操场　　学生原文OurSchool　　LadiesandGentlemen，　　ThisisthediagramofShanghaiNo.102MiddleSchool.Itis720meterslongand480meterswide.Itisaprettylargemiddleschool.　　

2、Itsgatefacessouth.Whenyouenterintogate，abeautifulflowergardencomesintoyourview.Herearevariousplantsandflowersandalsoapoolofgreenwaterandfishswimmingfree.Ontheleftofthegardenistheschoollibrarybuildingandontheright，thelabbuilding.Gofurther∧youwillseeafou

3、r-storeyedteachingbuildingstandinginthemiddleoftheschool.Itisteachingofficeatbothends.Behindtheteachingbuildingisalargeplaygroundandbesidestheplaygroundisthedininghall.Treesareplantedallaroundtheschool.Howbeautifultheschoollooks！Welcometovisitourschool

4、.　　修改说明　　enter为及物动词，应直接跟宾语，去掉into.　　greenwater属定语部分，所以of应改为with.　　swim为行为动词，应用副词修饰，free应改为freely.　　祈使句表条件时，应用and或then引导连接结果分句。　　根据语境，office应改为复数形式offices.　　表“在……旁边”应用beside而不用besides.　　修改后的文章OurSchool　　LadiesandGentlemen，　　ThisisthediagramofShanghaiNo.

5、102MiddleSchool.Itis720meterslongand480meterswide.Itisprettylargemiddleschool.　　Itsgatefacessouth.Whenyouenterthegate，abeautifulflowergardencomesintoyourview.Herearevariousplantsandflowersandalsoapoolwithgreenwaterandfishswimmingfreely.Ontheleftofthega

6、rdenistheschoollibrarybuildingandontheright，thelabbuilding.Gofurtherandyouwillseeafour-storeyedteachingbuildingstandinginthemiddleoftheschool.Itwasteachingofficesatbothends.Behindtheteachingbuildingisalargeplaygroundandbesidetheplaygroundisthedininghal

7、l.Treesarebuildingisalargeplaygroundandbesidetheplaygroundisthedininghall.Treesareplantedallaroundtheschool.Howbeautifultheschoollooks！Welcometovisitourschool.　　习作点评　　本篇书面表达习作是一篇说明文，体现了高考英语书面表达写作的新要求。开篇交待句“ThisisthediagramofShanghaiNo.102MiddleSchool.”

8、和末尾总结句“Howbeautifultheschoollooks！Welcometovisitourschool.”的使用增强了文章的照应性。and，when，here，ontheleftof，ontheright，behind等过渡性词汇的使用增强了文章的连贯性、逻辑性和可读性。时间状语从句、with复合结构、现在分词作后置定语、倒装句型、感叹句等高级表达方式的运用表明该生有较为丰富的语法知识。comeintoone’sview，afour-storeyedbui