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1、OpenyourmouthDoctor:Pleaseopenyourmouth,madam.Lady:Thankyouverymuch,doctor.Doctor:Whydoyouthankme?Lady:Becausemyhusbandalwaysaskedmetoshutup.EnglishHumorThelongestandtheshortestAteacheraskedoneofhisstudents:’Whatisthelongestandwhatistheshortest?’Thestudentansweredimmediately:’Thelastseveralminutes
2、ofaclassisthelongest,whilethelastseveralminutesofanexamistheshortest.’EnglishHumorTheReasonofBeingLateTheteacheraskedTom:“Whydidyoucometoschoolsolatethismorning?”“Someonelostoneyuan.”AnsweredTom.“Oh,nowIknow,youhelpedhimfindthemoney,”theteachersaid.“No,Istoodonthemoneyuntilthepersonwentaway,”wasTo
3、m’sreply.MotherWastooBusyTeacher:Mike,you’realwaysaskingyourfathertodoyourhomeworkinstead,andagninthistime……Mike:Pardon,sir,thistimeatfirstIwouldnotlethimdoit,butmotherwastoobusy.InaRestaurantCustomer:Waiter,there’sadeadbeetleinmysoup.Waiter:YesSir,theyarenotverygoodswimmers.Customer:Waiter,there’
4、saflyinmysoup.Waiter:That’allright,Sir,hewon’tdrinkmuch.Customer:Waiter,there’saflyswimminginmysoup.Waiter：Sowhatdoyouexpectmetodo,callalifeguard?Customer:Waiter,what’sthemeaningofthisflyinmyteacup?Waiter:Iwouldn’tknow,Sir,I’mawaiter,notafortuneteller.IWasn’tAsleepWhenagroupofwomengotonthecar,ever
5、yseatwasalreadyoccupied.Theconductornoticedamanwhoseemedtobeasleep,andfearinghemightmisshisstop,henudgedhimandsaid:”Wakeup,sir!”“Iwasn’tasleep,”themananswered.“Notasleep?Butyouhadyoureyesclosed.”“Iknow.Ijusthatetolookatladiesstandingupbesidemeinacrowdedcar.”TheSameMotherBillyandhisbrotherDavywerei
6、nthesameclass.Theteacherassignedthemtowriteacomposition“MyMother”.DavywroteoneandBillyjustcopiedit.OnthenextdaytheteacheraskedBilly,”HowisitthatyourcompositionisexactlythesamewithDavy’s?”“wehavethesamemother,don’twe?”repliedBilly.Canwehaveourteacherback?Onceasuperintendentofschoolswasvisitingathre
7、e-roomschool.Oneroomwasverynoisy,sothemangrabbedatallboywhohadbeenstandinguptalking,Hetooktheboyintoanotherroomandstoodhiminthecorner.Fiveminuteslater,asmallboycameoutofthefirstroomandsaid,”whencanwehaveourteache
