批改后托福写作2014-11-23朱泓睿.doc

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1、2014/11/23Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement?Yourjobhasagreatereffectonyouroverallhappinessthanthesociallifedoes.Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouranswer.正文：Withtherapiddevelopmentofthemodernsociety,moreandmorepeoplecouldnotfeelhappy.Theyevendonotkno

2、wthemeaningofhappinessduringalltheirlives.Itisapitybuttherearestillonescomprehendingthehappiness.Theythinkthattheiroverallhappinessisthemainsupportoftheirlives.Someofthemconsiderthattheirjobseffectaffecttheirhappinessmore,buttheothersdonot--theybelievethattheirsocialli

3、vesinfluencemore.Comparewiththelatter,Iamsympathetictotheformer.Firstly,thelivingcostsofnormalcitizensderiveareobtainedfromtheirjobs.Ifapersonhasenoughmoneythatcanbeused,hewillbecorrespondinglyhappyinmostcases.MyelderbrotherJackusedtobeanlow-levelengineerandworkhardbut

4、bewaspaidpoorlyfewsalary.Becauseheispoor,hehadnomoneytoamusehergirlfriendinordersothatshebrokeupwithhim.ButsoonafterthatJackfoundanewandsatisfactoryjobandgotahighsalary.Thenhelivedhappilyfromthatmoment.Thusitcanbeseenthatifapersonhasgreatoverallhappinessofapersonmainly

5、dependsonthemoney,andthemoneyishissalary.Onthesecondplace,whetherapersonhavesufficientspacesparetimedependwhetherhisjobisgood.Onlythejobishumanized,hewillhavetimetoparticipatemoresociallife.Otherwise,jobtimehasahigherproportioninallhistime.Mymother’friendLilywasaworker

6、andworkedalldaylong.Onmanyweekends,sheevenhadnoleisuretime.AndshefeltexceedinglydisappointedandgotMajorDepressiveDisorder.Luckily,withmymother’shelp,sheworksinmymother’sowncompanyasasecretary,getsahighsalaryandiscured.Nowsheoftengoeshikingatweekendsandfeelsveryhappy.Fr

7、omit,wecaninferthatfreetimeremovedfromthejobissignificantfortheoverallhappiness.Sopersonally,jobhasagreatereffectonoverallhappinessthanthesociallifedoes.Afterall,jobismoreimportantforapersonfromapracticalpointofview.23分总体而言比之前写得好多了结构清晰多了例子和中心句也还行语法错误太多有些词语的用法不准确