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1、PoliticallyCorrectBedtimeStoriesModernTalesforOurLifeandTimesJamesFinnGarnerPOLITICALLYCORRECTBEDTIMESTORIESTotheTheatreoftheBizarre,includingPepe,Armando,Egon,Ted,Matteo,NickandJulietta;JamesGhelkins,Jr.,andWillie,Smitty,andJockooftheTeamstersChildren’sPuppetTheatre;andOtherstoonumerou
2、stomention.ToCarol,forhelpandencouragement,andtoLies,foreverything.-1-POLITICALLYCORRECTBEDTIMESTORIESCONTENTSINTRODUCTIONLITTLEREDRIDINGHOODTHEEMPEROR’SNEWCLOTHESTHETHREELITTLEPIGSRUMPELSTILTSKINTHETHREECODEPENDENTGOATSGRUFFRAPUNZELCINDERELLAGOLDILOCKSSNOWWHITECHICKENLITTLETHEFROGPRINC
3、EJACKANDTHEBEANSTALKTHEPIEDPIPEROFHAMELIN-2-POLITICALLYCORRECTBEDTIMESTORIESINTRODUCTIONWhentheywerefirstwritten,thestoriesonwhichthefollowingtalesarebasedcertainlyservedtheirpurpose–toentrenchthepatriarchy,toestrangepeoplefromtheirownnaturalimpulses,todemonize“evil”andto“reward”an“obje
4、ctive”“good”.Howevermuchwemightliketo,wecannotblametheBrothersGrimmfortheirinsensitivitytowomyn’sissues,minoritycultures,andtheenvironment.Likewise,intheself-righteousCopenhagenofHansChristianAnderson,theinalienablerightsofmermaidswerehardlygivenasecondthought.Today,wehavetheopportunity
5、–andtheobligation–torethinkthese“classic”storiessotheyreflectmoreenlightenedtimes.TothateffortIsubmitthishumblebook.Whileitsoriginaltitle,FairyStoriesForaModernWorld,wasabandonedforobviousreasons(kudostomyeditorforpointingoutmyheterosexualistbias),Ithinkthecollectionstandsonitsown.This,
6、however,isjustastart.Certainstories,suchas“TheDucklingThatWas-3-POLITICALLYCORRECTBEDTIMESTORIESJudgedonItsPersonalMeritsandNotonItsPhysicalAppearance,“weredeletedforspacereasons.IexpectIhavevolumesleftinme,andIhopethisbooksparkstherighteousimaginationsforotherwritersand,ofcourse,leaves
7、anindeliblemarkonourchildren.If,throughomissionorcommission,Ihaveinadvertentlydisplayedanysexist,racist,culturalist,nationalist,regionalist,ageist,lookist,ableist,sizeist,speciesist,intellectualist,socioeconomicist,ethnocentrist,phallocentrist,heteropatriarchalist,orothertypeof
