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1、AConfessionbyLevNikolayevichTolstoyIIwasbaptizedandbroughtupintheOrthodoxChristianfaith.Iwastaughtitinchildhoodandthroughoutmyboyhoodandyouth.ButwhenIabandonedthesecondcourseoftheuniversityattheageofeighteenInolongerbelievedanyofthethingsIhadbeentaught.Ju
2、dgingbycertainmemories,Ineverseriouslybelievedthem,buthadmerelyreliedonwhatIwastaughtandonwhatwasprofessedbythegrown-uppeoplearoundme,andthatreliancewasveryunstable.IrememberthatbeforeIwaselevenagrammarschoolpupil,VladimirMilyutin(longsincedead),visitedus
3、oneSundayandannouncedasthelatestnoveltyadiscoverymadeathisschool.ThisdiscoverywasthatthereisnoGodandthatallwearetaughtaboutHimisamereinvention(thiswasin1838).Irememberhowinterestedmyelderbrotherswereinthisinformation.Theycalledmetotheircouncilandweall,Ire
4、member,becameveryanimated,andaccepteditassomethingveryinterestingandquitepossible.Irememberalsothatwhenmyelderbrother,Dmitriy,whowasthenattheuniversity,suddenly,inthepassionatewaynaturaltohim,devotedhimselftoreligionandbegantoattendalltheChurchservices,to
5、fastandtoleadapureandmorallife,weall--evenourelders--unceasinglyheldhimuptoridiculeandforsomeunknownreasoncalledhim"Noah".IrememberthatMusin-Pushkin,thethenCuratorofKazanUniversity,wheninvitingustodanceathishome,ironicallypersuadedmybrother(whowasdeclinin
6、gtheinvitation)bytheargumentthatevenDaviddancedbeforetheArk.Isympathizedwiththesejokesmadebymyelders,anddrewfromthemtheconclusionthatthoughitisnecessarytolearnthecatechismandgotochurch,onemustnottakesuchthingstooseriously.IrememberalsothatIreadVoltairewhe
7、nIwasveryyoung,andthathisraillery,farfromshockingme,amusedmeverymuch.Mylapsefromfaithoccurredasisusualamongpeopleonourlevelofeducation.Inmostcases,Ithink,ithappensthus:amanliveslikeeverybodyelse,onthebasisofprinciplesnotmerelyhavingnothingincommonwithreli
8、giousdoctrine,butgenerallyopposedtoit;religiousdoctrinedoesnotplayapartinlife,inintercoursewithothersitisneverencountered,andinaman'sownlifeheneverhastoreckonwithit.Religiousdoctrineisprofessedfarawayfromlifeandinde
