胖娃辛酸史：我的胖，谁的错？

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1、胖娃辛酸史：我的胖，谁的错？　　Iwasafatkid.Ihaven’twrittenaboutthisbeforebecausebeingafatkidhurtmethen.Andhavingbeenafatkidhurtsmenow.　　ThingsIrememberaboutbeingfat：Notbeingabletowearjeans（therewasnosuchthingasjeansforfatgirlsin1983）.Notwantingtoparticipateinanygamesattheschoolf

2、airexceptthecakewalk.Fakingsickonthedayweweresupposedtodoheight-weighttesting，onlytofindoutthatithadbeenpostponedaday.Pretendingtotwistmyankleatage7inthe50-yarddashtosparemyselftheembarrassmentofbeingthefatkidwhocameinlast；doingthesameatage8，and11.Stealingbagsofbr

3、ownsugarfromthepantrytoeatinmybedroom，alone；denyingtomymotherthatI’ddoneso，evenwhenitwasclearsheknewIhad.　　Thereisathemehere：absence，andfalsity.Icouldn’twearjeans；Ididn’twanttoplaygamesthatwouldn’tgetmecake；Ifakedsick；Ipretendedtotwistmyankle；andIdeniedsecreteatin

4、g.Beingafatchildwasn’tsomuchaboutthefactofbeingfatasitwasaboutcouldn’t，wouldn’t，shouldn’t.Thereisacounter-themetoo：Love―offood，exquisitefood，food，7food，phood，food，thepanaceatowhateverfree-floatingstressestherewereinmylifeasanintellectuallymaturebutemotionallynot-s

5、o-mature8-yearoldgirl.Ididn’thaveadifficultchildhoodbyanymeans，butitwasachildhood；itcamewithbumpsanddentsandscratchesthatIdidn’treallyknowhowtohandle.Luckyforme，Ididn’thavetolearn，becauseIhadfoodrightthere，everyday，makingitallokay.Itworked―untilitdidn’t，butthat’sn

6、otthestoryI’mtryingtotellhere.Foodfeltlikeitworked，andinachild’smind，that’senough.　　WhenIlookatmyownexperienceasafatkid，Idon’tseeaproblemwithsociety，orcruelchildren，orunlimitedsodarefills.Iseeaproblemwith―howdoIputthiswithoutappearingtobeswattingthewristofmy8-year

7、-oldself？―Iseeaproblemwithme，andwiththewayIunderstoodmysize.Therewasverylittlefat-shaminginmylife，butIstillfeltlikebeingfatwaswrong，bad，unfeminine，shameful―allthosethingsfatactivistssayareerroneouslyattachedtoweight.They’rerighttosaythat；thosefeelingsshouldbesepar

8、atefromweight.Yettheyweren’tseparate，notforme.IfilteredanyfeelingIhad―aboutmyfatnessoranythingelse―throughfood，andmychronicovereatingwaswhatkeptmefat.My