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1、大学英语四级作文范文讲评作文题目:“odernenarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofenhasnotbeenpletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghasentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotpletelyrealizedtheliberationofen.东方教育
2、点评:条理不清,思路紊乱,大部分句子均有错误,有的甚至影响理解。具体问题剖析:(1)缺乏逻辑,东一句西一句,没有围绕中心论述,如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变,说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。(2)用汉语思维,句子有明显的汉语痕迹,如“anyanyhusbandsonlye,anddohouseeshopping.Theyonlyanagerofapany.东方教育点评:基本切题。有些地方表达思想不够清楚,文字勉强连贯;语言错误相当多,其中有一些是严重错误。 具体问题剖析:(1)论证不够深入,缺少事例,缺少说服力。(2)文字
3、缺连贯、且显累赘,如第二段可以把各句再改得简练一点并且有适当的转承词。(3)语言错误相当多,如“Foranexample”,“Someenarenotsecrtaryintheoffice,instead,theybeemanagerofapany.”应改为“Someenareonlongersecretariesintheoffice,instead,theybeemanagersofthepanies.”(单复数)例4.(11分段)oreandmoreengotooneyinsteadofkeepingthehous
4、eorlookingafterthechildren.anycountries,moreandmoreenareactingasers,scientistsandevenleaders.yClassmateFellIll(orGotInjured)提纲:1.简单叙述一下这位同学生病(或受伤)的情况2.同学、老师和我是如何帮助他/她的3.人与人之间的这种相互关爱给我的感受是……例1.(2分段)Oneday,.ostofthestudentsreadtoomuch(many)majorbookse(something)inter
5、esting(e.Novelcanletthemrelax(relaxed).Sotheychoosenovel.Ilikeread(reading)novel,byreadingitIknoybrains.SoIchoosethenovel.东方教育点评:(1)基本切题。(2)表达思想不清楚,连贯性差。(3)有较多的严重语言错误。(4)字数不够,要酌情扣分。例3.(8分段)ynameisLiming.Iamstudyingatcollege.Aymind.Itorning,June15th,ineatanotheruniv
6、ersity.Ietersaaged.Bothhoofsepeopleagedcar.Onemananstation.Alotofcarsmedontheroad.Fromthestoppingtrackontheroad,itisclearthatthetyopinion,thetaxidriversareeagertotakemorepassengersandmakealittlemoremoney.Ontheotherhand,bothdriversdontshoindthatalittlesloeanstakin
7、gcareofyouroberofpirate(private)houseshadbeenona(an)increasefrom1990to2000.In1990,itereasonsforthisfact.Oneofthemprovementofpeopleslivingconditions(condition),allpeopleegoodthingsresultedfromthisfact.SuchasitcouldimproveChineseeconomy.Butthereebadthings,suchasittoo
8、kmuchtimetogotothegraphitisclearthatthepercentageofthestateo75%in1990to20%in2000,ainreasonsforthesechanges.tobeginentofthetechnologyandscience,pe