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ID:20772004
大小:26.00 KB
页数:3页
时间:2018-10-16
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1、点评看图作文 写作素材: 根据下图,请以“ThreeWaysofCommunication”为题,写一篇100词左右的作文。请写出每一种方法的好处。 学生习作: Asweallknow,communicationhasbeenplayinganimportantpartinpeople’slife.AsfarasIknowtherearemanywaysofcommunication.Ofthemall,mail,telephoneandcomputeraremostcommonused. W
2、ritinglettersisoneofthem.Peopleusewritingwordstoexchangeinformation,ideasandthoughts.Althoughthemailisslow,itisthecheapestmeanofcommunication.Thesecondtypeisthetelephone.Bytelephone,peopleusesoundtocommunicatewithothersandtheycanlisteneachotherevenifthey
3、arefarapart.Withthedevelopmentofmodernscienceandtechnology,thecomputerhasbeencomeintobeing.Communicationwithcomputersisfastandeasy.Inthisway,peoplesende-mailtoeachother. Inaword,mail,telephoneandcomputerhelptobringpeopleinallovertheworldcloser. 实作评析:
4、used为过去分词,应用副词修饰,common应改为commonly. 笔头语言应表达为writtenwords,writing应改为written. means永远以复数形式出现但表示单数概念,mean应改为means. 此处表听的结果,listen应改为hear. comeintobeing无被动语态,去掉been. allover为副词,不可用介词修饰,应去掉in. 评语: 高级句式:现在完成进行时,被动语态,动名词作主语,让步状语从句。 过渡词汇:Asweallknow,Asfa
5、rasIknow,and,Inaword. 照应句式:开篇交待句和末尾总结句。 不足之处:形容词与副词混用错误,现在分词与过去分词混用错误,名词单复数错误,易混动词混用错误,语态错误,介词误用错误。 总体印象:层次清晰,脉络分明,线索明确。 改后范文: Asweallknow,communicationhasbeenplayinganimportantpartinpeople’slife.AsfarasIknowtherearemanywaysofcommunicationofwhichmai
6、l,telephoneandcomputeraremostcommonlyused. Writinglettersisoneofthem.Peopleusewrittenwordstoexchangeinformation,ideasandthoughts.Slowasthemailis,itisthecheapestmeansofcommunication.Thesecondtypeisthetelephone.Bytelephone,peopleusesoundtocommunicatewitho
7、thersandtheycanheareachothereveniftheyarefaraway.Withthedevelopmentofmodernscienceandtechnology,thecomputerhascomeintobeing.Communicationwithcomputersisfastandeasy.Inthisway,peoplecansende-mailtoeachother. Inaword,mail,telephoneandcomputerallhelptobring
8、peopleallovertheworldcloser.
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