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1、MyFourYearswithBarbaraJeanSmith(nowWeider).FromtheDiaryofAshleighBrilliantDiary,Oct.281958-August7,1962.INTRODUCTIONWemetatwhatwasthenSanJoseStateCollege,California.IhademigratedfromEnglandabouttwoyearsearlier,andhadbeenlivinginLosAngelesandClaremontbeforemovingtoSanJose,whereIwasnowtakingvari
2、ouscoursesintendedtopreparemeforatripIvaguelyplannedtotheSovietUnion.Iwasnow24.InthefirstpartofthisperiodIkeptmydiarysporadically,butlateritbecamedaily.Tuesday,October28,1958Themanypressuresactinguponmeoflatehave,asexpected,beguntosubside,and,happily,Iseemtobenonetheworseforthem.Outofmyjobcamp
3、aignhascomeaveryhealthyfinancialposition.OutofmystudiesandotheractivitiesinconnectionwithRussia,adimsenseofunderstandingisbeginningtodawn-andoutoftherecentgirlcampaign,atleastoneverypromisingfriendshiphasemerged.ThegirlisBarbaraJeanSmith,whositsnexttomeintheRussianHistoryclassthatwehavetwiceaw
4、eek,andwithwhomIhavenowon2successiveSundayevenings,gonetothelocal"communityforum,"walkedandtalked.Iseemtohavebeensmittenbytheattractivenessofthisgirl.EverytimeIthinkofher,IgetaromantickindoffeelingwhichIhavenotenjoyedforalongtime.Tomesheseemsveryprettyindeed,muchmoresothanmostgirlsIhaveknownor
5、seeaboutme(andstrangelyenough,thereissomethinginherlooksthatremindsmeofmysisterMyrna.)Also,IfindIenjoybeingwithher&Ithinksheenjoysmycompanytoo.InfactprobablyoneofthereasonswhyIlikeheristhatsheseemstolikeme.Yet,lookingatthewholethingobjectively,Icannotseemuchpromiseintherelationshipinanyrespect
6、.Thegirlis21,aCatholic.Ifindherintelligentandeasytotalkwith.ButthefactthatsheisaCatholic,althoughsheseemsnotatalldogmaticornarrow-minded,frightensme.Itseemstoruleoutthechanceofanysexualfulfillmentwithher,althoughshehassaidsheisnotinterestedinmarriageandchildren.Asyet,Ihavenoteventriedtoholdher
7、hand.ButIhavethefeelingthatsheisphysicallycold.Also,sheliveswithherfamily,whichisanotherbadomen.Still,Iwillcontinuethisrelationship,bothbecauseithasbeenenjoyablesofar,andbecausethereisnothingelseatpresentintheoffing.Tuesday,November4th,
