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1、MartinAmisMONEYASUICIDENOTE123456789[numbersaddedbyscanner]ToAntoniaThisisasuicidenote.Bythetimeyoulayitaside(andyoushouldalwaysreadthesethingsslowly,onthelookoutforcluesorgiveaways),JohnSelfwillnolongerexist.Oratanyratethat'stheidea.Younevercantell,though,withsuicidenotes,canyou?Inthepl
2、anetaryaggregateofalllife,therearemanymoresuicidenotesthantherearesuicides.They'relikepoemsinthatrespect,suicidenotes:nearlyeveryonetriestheirhandatthemsometime,withorwithoutthetalent.Weallwritetheminourheads.Usuallythenoteisthething.Youcompleteit,andthenresumeyourtimetravel.Itisthenotea
3、ndnotthelifethatiscancelledout.Ortheotherwayround.Ordeath.Younevercantell,though,canyou,withsuicidenotes.Towhomisthenoteaddressed?ToMartina,toFielding,toVera,toAlec,toSelina,toBarry—toJohnSelf?No.Itismeantforyououtthere,thedear,thegentle.M.A.London,September19811ASMYCABpulledoffFDRDrive,
4、somewhereintheearlyHundreds,alow-slungTomahawkfullofblackguyscamesharkingoutoflaneandslopedinfastrightacrossourbows.Webanked,andhitadeepweltorgrapple-ridgeintheroad:tothesoundofarifle-shotthecabroofduckeddownandsmackedmeonthecoreofmyhead.Ireallydidn'tneedthat,Itellyou,withmyheadandfacean
5、dbackandhearthurtingalotallthetimeanyway,andstilldrunkandcrazedandghostedfromtheplane.'Ohman,'Isaid.'Yeah,'saidthecabbiefrombehindtheshatteredplasticofhisscreen.'FuckinA.'Mycabbiewasfortyish,lean,balding.Suchhairasremainedscurriedlonganddampdownhisneckandshoulders.Tothepassenger,that'sal
6、lcitycabbiesare—madnecks,madrugs.Thismadneckwasexplosivelypockedandmottled,withaflickerofadolescentvirulenceinthecrimsonunderhangoftheears.Heloungedthereinhiscorner,thelonghandslimponthewheel.'Onlyneedaboutahundredguys,ahundredguyslikeme,'hesaid,throwinghisvoiceback,'takeoutalltheniggers
7、andPRsinthisfuckintown.'Ilistened,onmyseatthere.OwingtothisfreshdiseaseIhavecalledtinnitus,myearshavestartedhearingthingsrecently,thingsthataren'tstrictlyauditory.Jettake-offs,breakingglass,icescratchedfromthetray.Ithappensmostlyinthemorningbutatothertimestoo.Ithappenedto
