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1、TheObligationsandResponsibilitiestoMarriageIhadgivenatalkonfamilychangeonenight.AtdinnerafterwardsIwassubjectedtoahostilequizzingbyagroupofwomenintheirthirtieswhoclaimedthatmywholeanalysisignoredthemostbasicchangeofall.Theytookoffensetomystatementthatafamilyconsistsofahusband,awifeandchi
2、ldren,theysaid.They,asagroupofsinglewomen,werebestfriends,supportedoneanother,anddefinedoneanotheras"family".Marriageandhavingkidswerenowirrelevant,andintheiropinion,thatwasthemostbasicsocialchange.Lookingbackonit,Ifindtheywereright,butthisrisingtideofchangeisitselftheproblem.Familyis,if
3、anything,thelinkbetweengenerations,thecenterofchildrearingandculturaltransmission.It'snotjusta"bigstadium"whereeveryonecanenjoytheshow.Bothmarriageandfamilyinvolvelong-termobligationsandresponsibilityforsharedcare,notjustthesearchofhappiness,thathollowgoalofthemodernage.Itseemsthatloveha
4、sgotoutofhand.Themodernnuclearfamilywasrootedinthedesiretolivehappilyinamoreequalmarriage,wheretheraisingofchildrenandtheinvestmentofbothparentsinthechildren'sliveswereguaranteedbybondsoffriendshipbetweentheparents,whichwerebasedonrationallove.Thereisanaturaltendencyforanyrelationshipbas
5、edonvoluntaryaffectiontocomeapart,butmarriageprovidestheglueneededtokeepacoupletogetherbyprovidingtiesoffamily,inconjunctionwiththeobligationsofparentstochildren.WhatpeoplecallthenewLoveFamily,unfortunately,hasreplacedapermanentrelationshipwithanewidealofunlimitedchoice.Wecannownotonlych
6、ooseourmarriagepartner,wealsocandivorcethatpartneratwill,subjectchildrentoourownadultworshipofhappiness,anddenytheotherparentanyregularcontactwiththeirchildren.Wecaneven,ifwewant,interprettheterm"family"toincludepeoplewhoarenotrelatedtouseitherbybloodormarriage—asetofclosefriendswhosuppo
7、rtoneanother,likethewomenImentionedabove.Throwinthefaithfuldogifyoulike.Familyiswhateverwewantittobe.Thetroubleis,suchanelasticclassificationignorestheproblemofchildrenandthewiderproblemofcaringforothers.Ifmarriageexistsonlyasaromanticrelationshipthatcanbeendedatwill,andf
