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050831Loveistoleratinghisshortcomingsinthesamewayyouenjoyhismerits.LoveishavingahappysensewhenIbearhardshipsforhim.〜Douzi(areader)toChangloveisastory,whichistoldbytheheartsoftwobelovedpersons.〜131xxxx0930Ifyousaymyeyesarebeautiful,thatisbecausetheyarelookingatyou.ThingswillbefineWHENIgotmarried,Iwasstilljustagirlinside.Atthattime,Ibelievedeverysinglewordoffairytales,agirlwhowaswaitingforaknighttocomeandmakeherlifecomplete.MymarriedlifewasinsharpcontrasttowhatIimagined.Tobehonest,thefirstmonthofmarriagewasterrible.First,myparents-in-lawmovedinwithus,andthenmysister-in-lawalsocamefromCanadatovisitus,withher4-year-oldson.SuddenlyIwassurroundedbyagroupofstrangers.Everyday,Itriedmybesttopleasethemandtoadjustmyselftomynewroleaswife,daughter,sisterandaunt.IfIhadbeenmoreoutgoing,thingswouldhavebeenbetter.ButIwashopelesslyshy!NomatterhowhardItried,Ifoundithardtogetalongwiththewholefamily.Whentheywerelaughingandgossipingaboutoldfriends,allIcoulddowassitthereuncomfortablywithapolitesmileonmyface.Itriedtoincludemyselfintheirconversations,butIgotworriedandnervousaboutwhatIsaid.Iwassomiserable.Ihopedforsomehelpandsupport.TheonlypersonIcouldturntowasmyhusband.Buthewassodistantandusuallycamehomeverylate.Onenight,afteranotherlong,painfulwaitingperiod,hefinallyshowedup.Iaskedwhy

1hewascominghomesolate,butheonlyansweredimpatientlythatheneededsometimetorelax.Frustratedbybeingrejected,Iblurtedout:HImadeabigmistakeinmarryingyou!'*Therewasanawkward,painfulsilence."Asyouwish,”hefinallysaid,stormingoutofthebedroom.Mywholeworldseemedtohavebeenshattered,anddisconnectedbythosesimplewords.Icouldn*tbelievewewerestillonourhoneymoon.AngrytearspouredoutofmyeyesandIrushedbacktomyparents'place.MymotheraskedwhatwaswrongandIcriedandtoldherthewholestory.Tomysurprise,shesaid:nYounglady,thistimeyouwenttoofar.',"Whydidyousaythat?"Ireplied,"1didnothingwrong!**nReally?"shesaid,*'Thetruthisthemanyouchosetomarryhaschanged,andashiswifeyoudidn'tevenknowthereason.',"HowcouldIknow?"Iasked,defendingmyself,HHedidn*teventalktome.*'"Perhapsyou'vegivenhimtoomuchpressure,Mshepressedon,^Marriageisnotlikeafairytale.Sometimesyouhavetogiveinalittleandcopewithhisneeds.Don'tjustthinkaboutyourselfallthetime.*'Irealizedthattherewassometruthinmymother'swords.Inthosedays,Ihadfocusedalotonmyownproblems.PerhapsIhadoverlookedsomethingimportant.ThenIheardmymothergooninhergentle,firmvoice:MNeversayyouwanttobreakupunlessyoureallymeanit,becauseithurts.*'ThatnightIreturnedhomeandhadaheart-to-hearttalkwithmyhusband.Ifinallydugoutthetruth.Myhusband'scareerwasonedge.Becauseofhispride,andalsobecausehedidn'twanttoupsetme,hechosetokeepittohimself.HYoudon'tunderstand,"hesaidembarrassed,"Tmaman,andIshouldgiveyouacomfortablelife,but...*'Ilookedatmyhusband,surprisedtofindthathishairhadgrownabitthin.Iwentuptohimandwehuggedeachother:"That'sOK,everythingwillbefine,'*Isaid.

2ByXieMengying,SichuanDon'tdoitoutofkindnessDearLizi,I'veledaquietlifesinceenteringuniversity.Butaweekago,IreceivedanSMSfromagirlwhoexpressedherloveformebackinhighschool.Iwasshockedtohearfromher,becausewehadn*tbeenintouchformorethanayear!Thefirsttime,IturnedherdownbecauseIwasbusypreparingforthecollegeentranceexam.Butitseemsshereallycan'tforgetmeandwantstobemygirlfriend.Idon'tknowwhattodo.WecontacteachotheralotthesedaysandImissherifIdon*thearfromher.ButI'mafraidmyfeelingsareonlyareactiontoherbehaviourtowardsme.Thethingis,Idon*tevenknowherverywell.ButIdon'twanttohurtherfeelingsagain.WhatshouldIdo?ZaneIusedtothinkthereweretwotypesofpeopleinthisworld.Thefirstwasalwaysstrugglingtomakethingshappen.Andthesecondneverhadtodoanythingbecausethingsjusthappenedtohimorher.NowIknowIwaswrong.Lifethrowsthingsatallofus.Thedifferenceisthatsomepeopletakethechanceinfrontofthem.Andothersfailtoseetheirchancebecausethey'retoobusytryingforperfection.Whichtypedoyouwanttobe,Zane?WhynotstopworryingandgivethisbraveSMSsenderachance?You'llonlyfindoutwhatyoureallyfeelifyougettoknowherandgivetherelationshiptimetogrow.Anddon'tdoitoutofpityorkindnessforher—doitforyourself,doitbecauseyouwanttogivelifeachance.LiziStopjustdoingnothingDearLizi,

3I'mashygirlandIdon'tknowhowtogetalongwithmyboyfriend.We'veknowneachotherforfiveyears.Inhighschool,hehelpedmewithmylessonsandcomfortedmewhenIwassad.Nowwe'reatdifferentcolleges.Duringmilitarytraining,hetoldmehelovedme,andIacceptedhislove.Butweonlymeetonceinalongwhile-mostofthetime,weonlykeepintouchbyphone.Whenwedomeet,wejusttalk.Henevertouchesme?he*snevereventakenmyhand.Idon*tknowhowtobewithhimlikeotherlovers.MaybeI'mtoointroverted.Canyouhelp?AReaderAreyoufrustratedwithyourrelationshiporfrustratedwithyourself?Beingshyisnotagoodhabit.Butit'seasytobreak.Allyouhavetodoisstopdoingnothing.Haveyoueverwonderedwhyhenevertouchesyou?Isitperhapsbecauseyounevertouchhim?Whynottryit?Trypushingyourrelationshipforwardjustthatlittletinybit.Youmaybeamazedbywhathappensnext.Youmaytriggerthe"snowballeffect*'.Yousee,doll,beinginvolvedwithapersonisjustthesameasbeinginvolvedinlife.Ifyoudon*tgive,youllnevergetanythingback.LiziWho,beingloved,ispoor?〜OscarWildeNothingcanmaintainlovelongerthanamutualunderstanding.〜Richard(Areader)Youcanchoosethepersonwhomyoulove,butyoucannotchoosethepersonwholovesyou.〜139xxxx5285Noneedforyoutogiveup

4DearLizi,Pmafreshman.IwasinfectedwithHepatitisBwhenIwasjusttwoyearsold.Ihaveagirlfriendandwehaveagoodrelationship.ButIdon*tthinkI'lleverbeabletogetridofthisvirus,despitetheeffortsofmedicalscience.Shesaysit'sOK,butbeforeshewasvaccinatedayearago,Icouldn'tevenkissher.Ireallyloveherandwanttodoeverythingforher,butwhenitcomestomyillness,Ioftenfeelfrustratedandhopeless.Woulditbewisetogiveupmyloveandbesingleforever?ZorroWell,Zorro,lookslikeyou'veovercomeatleasttwobigproblems.First,you'veacceptedyourstatusasaHepBcarrier.Andsecond,you*vefoundsomeonewhodoesn'tcareaboutyourdiseaseandonlycaresaboutyou.Wow!You'redoingsowell,whydoyoustillfeelhopeless?You'llprobablycarrythevirusyourwholelife.Butthatdoesn'tmeanyoushouldgiveup.You'regoingtohavetobecarefulaboutyourhealth,butifyourgirlfriendhasalreadybeenvaccinated,sheshouldbeprettysafe.Don*ttakemywordforitthough.TakeyourgirlwithyoutoaHepBexpertsoyoucanbothlearnmoreaboutthefacts.Thengetonwithyourlifelikeanormalperson.LiziStopcontrollingthingsDearLizi,I'masophomore.ImadefriendswithahighschoolstudentovertheInternetlastyear.Hewasdepressedbyhisstudiesthen.SoI'vebeenwritingtohim,encouraginghim,andhe'smadebigprogress.HelltakethecollegeentranceexamthisJune.Butnowhesayshe*sdecidedtoapplyformycollegebecauseofme.HeissostubbornthatI

5haven'tbeenabletopersuadehimtogiveupthisidea.Mycollegeisn'tagoodchoiceandIdon'twanthimtoregrethisdecisionlateron.WhatshouldIdototalkhimoutofit?AliceOhdear,nottheInternetagain!AllInternetrelationshipsaredreams.Withoutrealcontact,youhavenocontrol,andtheguyontheothersideofthecomputerisfreetodreamupwhateverfeelingsheneeds.Anditsoundslikehe'sveryneedy.Needypeoplearedangerous.Ifyoudon'twanttobeused,you'dbetterkeepyouremotionaldistance.Isuggestyoustopcontactinghimsooften.He*ssurroundedbyhisownlife.Ifyoustopremindinghimofyourpresence,thoughtsofyouandwhateveryoumeantohimwilldimveryquickly.Butperhapsyouneedhisneediness.Perhapshelpinghimhasmadeyoufeelneeded.That'sanicefeeling,isn*tit?But,basicallyitisselfishandcontrolling.Youknowwhathereallyneeds,sogiveittohim,bylettinghimgo.LiziDividedloveEditor'snote:OurUKcorrespondenthassentusthisstoryofaninterracialloveaffair,basedonhisexclusiveinterview.STEVEmetGillianwhentheywerebothinhighschool.Itwasthefirstproperrelationshipforbothofthem.Peopleneverexpectedittolast.Itwasjustahighschoolromanceafterall.Buttheirrelationshiplastedthroughuniversity.Bythetimetheywereintheirmid-20s,GillianwasmakingitcleartoStevethatshewantedtogetmarriedandstartafamily.Oneday,heinvitedhertogoforadriveinthecountryside.Whentheyreachedthecoast,theygotoutandwentforawalkalongthebeach.Themoodwasset,thetimewasright.Stevereachedintohisjacketpocketandpulledoutaring:"Willyoumarryme?"Gillian'seyeslitupandshethrewherarms

6aroundhimandcriedout“yes”！Everythingwassetforafairytalefutureandtheydidlivehappilyeverafter.Endofstory.Well,notquite.Therewasonebigproblem:StevewasChineseandGillianwasaWesterner.AlthoughStevegrewupintheUK,hisparents—likesomanyotherChineseparents—expectedhimtomarryaniceChinesegirl.Hismumhadbeenunhappywiththisrelationshipwithagweilou(Cantoneseforforeigner)fromthestart.ThefirsttimeStevetoldhismumhewasdatingaScottishgirlatschool,sherefusedtotalktohimforaweek.Steveworriedthatthewomanhelovedandthewomanwhohadbroughthimupcouldnotgeton.But,allhewantedtodowastomarryhischildhoodsweetheartinabigceremony.Tohim,therewasnopointindoinganythingelse?shewastheonlygirlhewantedtobewith.Butthatonlyservedtomakemattersworse.Steve'sparentswantedatraditionalChineseweddingwithabanquetinaChineserestaurant.Gillian'sfamilywanteditinherchurch.Intheend,followingtheWesterntraditionofthebride'sparentspayingforthewedding,Steve'sparentsdidnotreallyhaveasayinanything.TheweddingwasheldinGillian*schurchandmostofSteve'sfamilyandfriendsdidnotattend.Stevedideverythinghecouldofcourse,tosmooththingsbetweenhisparentsandhisnewwife.Hespenteverymealtimehecould,trainingGilliantousechopsticksandtocookChinesefood.HetaughtherafewwordsofCantoneseinthehopeofmakinghisparentshappy.SteveandGillianhavebeenmarriedformorethanthreeyearsnow.Andnothinghas

7changed.Everytimehisparentscometovisit,theystilldon*tlikehismarriagetoa"foreigner”.Stevewondersifhisparentswilleveracceptandlovehiswife.Theysayloveconquersall.But,SteveandGillianandmanyotherinterracialcouplesintheUKarestillwaitingforlovetobringdowntheculturalbarrier.ByAaronPanHappiestdaysITwasarainydayandhelentmehisumbrellaafterschool.Afterthat,Icouldnotstopthinkingofhim.Hewashandsomeandfashionable.Wewereinthesameclassandsometimessatnexttoeachother.ItookeverychanceIcouldgettotalkwithhim,buthewasnotatalkativepersonatall.Oneday,Igothisphonenumber.Irememberclearly,itwasthedaybeforeNationalDay,2003andIborrowedhiscellphonetosendatextmessagetomysister.ThatwashowIgotit.Thenextday,Isenthimamessage.Hedidn'tseemtoknowitwasme.Wantingtomakethingsmoreinteresting,ItoldhimIwasmysister.Thatdidinfactbecomeinteresting.Overthenextfewdays,itseemedthathelikedtalkingwithher.Westartedsendingmessagestoeachother,talkingabouteverything.Italkedaboutmyself.Thoseweresomeofthehappiestdaysofmylife,eventhoughwejusttalkedbySMS.Then,oneday,Ithoughtitwastimetotellhimthetruth,thatitwasnotmysisterandthatIwasinlovewithhim.Tomysurprise,hewasnotsurprisedatall!

8Hetoldmethathehadalreadythoughtofthatafewdaysbefore.Iaskedhimifhelovedme,andwaitedanxiouslyforananswer.“Goodgirl!Iloveyou.'*WhenIheardthesewords,IwassoexcitedIwantedtohughimatonce.But,IwasinanothercityforNationalDayholiday.Thatseven-dayholidaywassolong.Itwasveryhardformetowaittilltheend.Hetoldmethathehadarrangedeverythingforme.AllIcoulddowaswaitforthemomentwhenhewouldbeatthestationtomeetme.Thetwo-hourtripbytrainseemedliketwoyears.Butfinally,Isawhimcomingtomewiththesweetestsmile.Thenwespentahappynightwitheachotherandhisclosefriends.Weenjoyedanicedinner,thensangsongsanddrankbeerinaKTVroom.Iwasthehappiestgirlintheworldlisteningtohimsinglovesongsforme.But,overthenextfewdays,everythingchanged.Therewasnosmileonhisface,andhedidn*ttalktomemuch.Therewerenomorecallsandnomoretextmessages.And,Ifoundhisformergirlfriend'spictureinhiswallet!Iaskedhimwhy,buthejusttoldmenottotouchhiswallet.Icriedandfinallycalledhimoutforawalkonenight.Hetoldmehewasnottherightpersonforme,andthatthetwoofuswouldneverhaveanyfuturetogether.Ifellfromthetopoftheworldtothebottom.Ihadn'ttheleastideaofwhathadreallyhappened.Almosttwoyearshavepassed,butIcan*tgethimoutofmyheart.WestillkeepintouchwitheachotherbutIknowfromthelookinhiseyesthatI'mjustaformerclassmate.Ihavethoughtaboutaskinghimtocomebacktome,butI'mafraidofbeinghurtagain.EverytimeImisshim,Ijusttalktohiminmyheart:"Iloveyou,butthathasnothingtodo

9withyou.',Takeheradvice:forgetherDearLizi,"Breakup*'.Itwasmygirlfriend'sideaandithappenedamonthago.Noearlywarning,noreason-shejustwantedit.ButIdon'tunderstand:Wewerehappy.Afterthebreak-up,wecontactedeachothereveryday,andshesaidshestillmissedme.ButIdon'tknowwhatthatmeans.Nowshe'ssentmeamessage:"forgetmeandlookforanothergirlfriend”.Thesewordsmademeveryangry,andHvedecidednottocontactherforalongtime.WhatdoyouthinkIshoulddo?ChangGongThereisn'tmuchyoucando,Gong.Apartfromtakeheradviceandforgether.Otherwisethingsmightstartgettingrathermessy,andwhoneedsthat?Ifshedecidedtoleaveyou,theremusthavebeensomethingwrongwiththerelationship.Right?Shewasdecisiveenoughtomakethebreak-butnowsheisn'tbraveenoughtosticktoit.Shesaysshemissesyou,butit'snottherealyoushemisses,it'sonlyherideaofyou.You*relettingherconfusionbecomeanoosearoundyourneck.Thatwillonlybringyoulongingandbitterness.Ifyouwanttoexplorethesepains,thenkeeppursuingher.Butintheend,you*regoingtohavetoleavesuchpainsbehindandacceptyourfateingenerousfashion.Thenyou'llbeabletoletgoofthebrokentiesthatbindyouandfallheadfirstintoyourfreedom.LiziLoveisaflowerseedthatwemustwatereverydaysoitwillblossomintothemostbeautifulflower.

10〜ByLiXia(areader)Eachofusisanangelwithjustonewing.Weembraceeachothertobecomecompleteandflyuphigh.〜ByVitamin(areaderShestolemyheartITwasTuesdaynightandwehadastudysessioninthegymnasiumasusual.Itwasrainingheavilyoutsideafterthemeeting.FortunatelyIhadanumbrellawithme.SoIofferedtogowithEyretoherworkplace.Wewerebothsoakedthroughafterarriving.Itwasamessinheroffice.Therewereplentyoftasksthatneededtobedoneandthecomputerwasoutoforder.Butasluckwouldhaveit,IhadmyMP3playerwithme.Sowelistenedtomusicinsteadandturnedtoitforcomfort.Icouldseeshewasnothappythatnight.Welistenedtothesong"Whowouldyoumisswhenyouarelonely'*.Allofasudden,sheputherheadonmyshoulder.Atthatmomentmyheartbegantobeatquickly.Icomfortedherandtoldhertofinishtheworktomorrow.Whilespeakingtoher,Icouldnothelpholdingherhand.Foramomentwestaredintoeachotherseyes.Howromantic!Itwaslikealovestoryinafilm.Ikissedher.Shefeltalittleembarrassedinthebeginningbutdidnotrefuse.Thenwekissedeachother.Itwasmyfirstkiss,andIfeltthemostwonderfulthinginmylife.However,thehappinesswas

11veryshort.Thenextday,IfeltveryexcitedthewholemorningwhenIthoughtofwhathappenedthepreviousnight.Inordertobeanicemanandtosurpriseher,Iboughtsomeorangesthatsheliked.IphonedherwhenIarrivedoutsideherdorm.Amomentlater,shecamedownlookingverysad.Thefirstwordsshecameoutwithwere:"I'msorry*'.Thensheexplainedthatshealreadyhadaboyfriend.Shewasoutofcontrolthatnightbecauseofsadnessandonlywantedsomecomfortfromafriend.Ineveraskedherwhethershehadaboyfriendornot,soshedidn*tmentionitthen.Shedidn'twantmyoranges.Shewantedmetoforgetwhathadhappenedthatnightandsaidweshouldjustbegoodfriends.Iwasfightingtokeepmytearsback.MyheartbecamecoldandInoddedwithoutsayingasinglewordthenturnedandleft.Icouldnotcontrolmyselfanymoreandcriedthebitteresttearsinmylifewhenshewasoutofsight.Thatnightwithouthavingdinner,Ilayonmybedlisteningtomusicwithdarknessaroundme.IwishedI'dneverbeenborn.IwishedI'dnevercometothiscollegeandmether.Icouldn'tforgetherbecauseIlovedhersodeeply.ButIhadtoforgetherbecauseIdidn*twanttodestroyherhappiness.IfeltasifIwasdying.Nowtwomonthshavepassed.Ikeepdreamingabouthereverynight.EachnightwhenIgotobed,IfeellikesendingamessagetoherbutIdon'thavethecourage.WhatIwishnowisthattimewillwashawaythememory.Idon'texpectshewilllovemeorcometomeoneday,Ionlywanttoforgetmystrongfeelingsforher,littlebylittle,daybyday.Butstill,itseemsthatthereisnothingthatcanmakemehappyandactiveagain.ShenotonlytookmyfirstkissawaybutalsomyheartIfyoudon'twantto,thendon,tdoitDearLizi,

12I'masophomore.Afewdaysago,myclassmateLilycametomeforsomeadvice.Ididn'tknowwhattosay,soI'mwritingtoyou.Lilyhasbeenwithherboyfriendfortwoyears,andsheloveshimverymuch.Butnowherboyfriendwantstohavesexwithher.Lilyhasrefused.Butshedoesn'tknowwhattodo.She'sstillavirginandnotyetreadyforsex.Butshethinksthatifshekeepsonrefusingherboyfriend,itmighthurttheirrelationship.Anyadvice?KarenIfshedoesn*twanttodoit,sheshouldn*tdoit.Sure,sexisniceanditbringsyouclosertoyourpartner,butit*sjustsex!Ifyou'reayoungsterjuststartingoutonyoursexualjourney,thereareafewthingsyoushouldknowtokeepyououtoftrouble(forexample,useacondomandbesureyoutrustyourpartner).Beyondthat,it*salluptoyou.Noonebutyoudecides.Modernsociety(andfilm)hascompletelychangedthissimpleactofbeingclose.It'smadeitintosomethingreallydramatic.Can'twebemoresensibleaboutit?IfLily'snotready,it'snobigdeal.Herboyfriendshouldbeabletoacceptthis.Meanwhile,theyshouldalsoseriouslyconsidersuchthingsastraditionalmoralvaluesandiftheyarereadytotaketheresponsibility.LiziForgetaboutit,andit'snotthatevilDearLizi,IlikeagirlcalledKilthverymuch.She'smybestfriendandwerespecteachotheralot.SometimesImasturbate.Ithinkmasturbatingisnormal.ButoncewhileIwasmasturbating,IstartedthinkingofKilth.Ievenimaginedhavingsexwithher.Howterrible!Sincethen,wheneverIseeKilth,IgetreallynervousandfeellikeI'vedone

13somethingvery,veryeviltoher.HowcanIgetridofthisstrangefeeling?Wheredoesthisfeelingcomefrom?Pleasehelp!MikeLeeIdon'tgetit.Don*tallboysthinkabouthavingsexwhilethey*reflyingtheirlittleairplanes?Isn'tthatwhatyou'resupposedtodo?Sowhyareyousoupset,Mikeyboy?AndwhydoyouthinkhavingsexwithKilth,oreventhinkingaboutit,isevil?There*snothingevilaboutit—sexisnormal,justlikemasturbation.WhatIthinkyouhavetodoisworkoutyourfeelingsforKilth.She'syourbestfriend.Doyouwantmorefromher?Ifyoudo,you'regoingtohavetostarttalkingtoheraboutlove.Butifyouwanttokeepherasafriend,youmighthavetogetyourselfapropergirlfriend.Whenyou*vedonethat,youshouldn'tneedtocrashyouryoghurttrucksomuchanymore!Loveiscomposedofasinglesoulinhabitingtwobodies.〜137xxxx7554Lovecanbesaidwithoutspeaking;lovecanbeheardwithoutlistening.〜WendyG(Areader)Loveisabalmywindthatsoothespainandanxietyinthetempestsoflife.一ZhangJie(Areader)ItconquersgreatdistancesShenZhihua,ofNanjingUniversityofTechnology,willgotoAustraliaforfurtherstudyinJuly.HisgirlfriendwillstayinNanjing.Shenthinksoverseasstudywon'tharmtheirloveatall.I'llmissthenightsattheNanjingEnglishcornerwhereImettheprettygirl.ItwasMarchandthemoonwasout.Therewasasweetsmellintheair.Mybookandpencilswerelyingontheground,

14neglected,asItalkedwiththegirlattentively.Ifellinlovewithheratfirstsight.HernamewasMiaoQiandherimagewasburnedintomymemoryassoonaswebegantotalk.DuringthetwohoursatEnglishcorner,MiaoQiandIchattedaboutstudies,exams,andthefuture.Thosetwohourschangedmylifeforever.ThenlovecameonlyfourmothsbeforemydepartureforMelbourneUniversity.IneverimaginedIwouldmeetthegirlofmydreamsthatnightinthatplace.Wegrewclosertoeachotherinthefollowingmonthsafterthatfirstmeeting.EverydayIsentmessagestoher.Ialsocalledhertohearhersweetvoice.SheenjoyedtheattentionthatIgaveher.HerbrighteyessparkledasIcalledher,eventhoughshewasalittlebitshyandwasreserved.BothofuslikeclimbingandeverySundaymorning,ZijinMountainwasourdestination.Weenjoyedthefreshairandthequietofthewoods.Attheendofastonepath,weclearlyknewthattherewaslove.Handsinhand,andeyesgazinglonginglyateachother,Ifeltmyhoneysay"Iloveyou"eventhoughshedidn,treallysayanythingatthatmoment.Caneyesspeak?Canheartsappreciate?Absolutely!Icouldfeellovewithmyheart.Nextmonth,onJuly14,I'llleaveforMelbourneUniversityinAustralia.Tilbethereoneyear.ButIknowthisisthestart,nottheend,ofourlove.ThatnightattheEnglishcornerandthewoodsonZijinMountainwillbeinmymindforever.Thoughtherewillbeagreatdistancebetweenus,westillunderstandandsupporteachotherbecauseweloveeachotherdeeply.

15Itisalovethatcanconquerdistance.Wegrewwiththelove,andwelearnedtotakecareofeachotherandtakeresponsibility.Now,thatlovewillteachusthathappinessneedspatienceandwaiting.It'safeelingthatwilllastforeverGaoLinghuiisnowapostgraduateatOceanUniversityofChina.Differentchoicescausedherandherlovetosaygoodbye.Themessagejumpedontomymobilescreen,saying:Hlwishyouahappyday."Ismiledandsentmybestwishesbacktohim.Themessagetookmebacktowhenwewerestillatcollege.Imethimbychanceduringmyfirstyearatcollege.Afterthatfirstmeeting,weoftenmet.Hewashandsome,humorousandconsiderateandgraduallyenteredmylife.Ayearlater,hisdepartmentmovedtoanothercampus.Hevisitedmeonweekendsandeachtimewehadagoodtimetogether.SolittletimeWekeptintouchandgrewclose.Occasionallywetalkedaboutthefutureandrealizedwewouldentertherealworldsoon.ThenIwasacceptedforpostgraduatestudiesatanotheruniversityandhefoundagoodjobinhishometown.IknewwewouldhavetogoourseparatewaysinJune2003.Timeseemedsolimitedandwecherisheditallthemore.Atthebeginningofthelastsemester,hesuggestedanoutingtogether.Then,suddenly,SARShit.Wewereisolatedandhadnochancetogoonourouting,oreventomeet.Theplanfortheoutingwouldhavetoremainadreamforever.Whilewewerequarantined,hephonedmeeveryday.Itwasgreateachtime,pickingup

16thereceiverandhearinghiskindvoice.Thecallswentonformorethantwomonthsuntilwegraduated.Thennewscamethatthegraduationceremonywouldbeheldonhiscampus.Ican'tdescribemyfeelingswhenIsawhimthatday.Itseemedlikeadream,butitreallywastrue.Thetimewassoshortaftertheceremony.Wejustusedthechancetohaveapicturetakentogether-theonlyonewe'dbeenabletotakesincemeeting.BeforeIleft,wepromisedtokeepincontactandwetoldeachotherthat,whateverdifficultycameourway,wewouldneverletgoofourfriendship.It*snowbeenalmosttwoyearsandwe'reindifferentcitiesbutstillkeepintouch.Althoughmyspecialfeelingsforhimhavebeengiventoanotherboy,Ican'tdenythattheytrulyexistedonce.AndIknowthatoncetherewasaboywhocaredformeandhelpedme.Hesharedmyhappinessandsorrows.Hetreatedmedifferentlyfromothers.ItcanmakeyourheartsmileMaFeifeisaidgoodbyetoherboyfriendaftergraduationbutgottogetherwithhimlater.They'renowinZhejiang,happilytogetheragain.WemeteachotheratZhengzhouUniversityin2001.HewasashyboybutheexpressedhisfeelingstomebravelyonAugust17,afterhehadwatchedmeforhalfayear.Atthattime,Ihadayearuntilgraduationandhewasinhissecondyear.Becauseofhissunny,honestsmile,Ididn'timmediatelysayno.Thefollowingdays,weweretogetheralmostalldaylong,studying,eating,playingorjustwanderingthroughlife.

17HetriedtofindanyexcusetobewithmeandIalsodidn*tbothertoseethroughhisfunny,simple,naiveschemes.Severalweekslater,Iacceptedarosefromhim.Wehadayeartogetherwithoutanyproblems.Then,Igraduatedin2002andfoundajobinthesamecity.Howluckywewerethatmyworkunitwasjusta10-minutewalkfromtheuniversity.Wecontinuedwithourhappylife.Weweresoinexperiencedormaybewejustsoenjoyedeachother*slovethatwedidn'tthinkaboutthefutureuntilgraduationgotnear.Then,wequarrelledalot.Hehadmadeuphismindtogobacktohishometownbecausehedidnotwanttobetoofarfromhisparents.Iwastotallyatalossaboutmakinganychoice.Iwasdeeplyinlovewithhim.Butmakingachoicewaspainful.Thetimetosaygoodbyewasapproaching.HeinsistedthatInotseehimoffattherailwaystation.Butafterhelefttheuniversity,Icouldn'thelpgettingataxitothestation.Ihadlostmymindandjustwantedtoseehim.Ican*tforgetthatafternoon.ThereweretearsonmyfaceandIpushedmywaythroughthecrowdedwaitingrooms,searchingrowbyrow,againandagaintillIwaswornoutandcouldn*tspeak.Iwentoutofthestation,indespair.Isawpeopleatthestationcomingandgoing,andcriedagain.TimewentbyandIcontinuedtomisshim.Afterayear,wecouldn'tbearthebreak.Idecidedtocompromise.Withhishelp,Igotajobinhishometown.Twoyearsaftermygraduation,aftersomuchhappinessandsomanytears,we'retogether.Wequarrelsometimes,we'rerentingahouse,wedon'thavemuchmoney,Imissmyparentsnowandthen,butwedovalueourlove.Lifeisnotafairytale,buthe'smyprinceandI*mhisprincessforeverDecidingwhattodoinlife

18TlMEtosaygoodbyetocollegelife.Somegradswillbefacingtoughdecisionsthatcomewithgraduation.Andwhenitcomestochoosingacareerorarelationship,thingscangeteventougher.JodieandRakeshmetatLeicesterUniversityandhavebeentogethersincethesecondyear.RakeshisfromLeicesterbutJodieisfromExeterinthesouthofEngland,aboutfourhoursawaybycar.RakeshwillbegraduatingthissummerbutJodiestillhasayeartogo.*'lthinkI'mgoingtofindworkinLeicestersowe'llbeOKforthenextyear,*'saidRakesh."Butafterthat,whoknows.Maybewe'llbothfindworkinLondon."Decidingonaplacewherebothcanworkhasbigadvantages.TherearegreateropportunitiesinLondonthaninsmallerUKcities.Butthelivingexpensesaresuchthatfewpeoplecanaffordtoliveontheirown.Bylivingtogetheracouplecansharetheirlivesandthebills!HopeforthefutureAnotherrayofhopeistheincreasedpopularityofflexiblecareersthatallowpeopletoworkfromtheirhomeorelsewhere.ThingslikeWebdesign,ITconsultingandmarketingaregoodexamples.Apersoncanfitinwiththeirpartner'splansifheorsheneedstobeinaparticularplace.Butwithintensecompetitionforjobs,break-upsareofteninevitable.LauraandRobwerelawstudentsandweretogetherthroughouttheirlastyearatuniversity.Aftergraduation,LauradecidedtoworkinJapanasateacher.Withinthreemonthsofherleaving,they*dbrokenup."Weobviouslyweren*trightforeachother,otherwisewe'dstillbetogether,HLaurasaid."Idobelievelovecansurvivelongdistances.Peopleshouldpursuetheirdreamsandinvesttimeintheircareer.Youhavetoworktokeeparelationshipstrong.Thatmeanscommunicatingwell.Ifthatdoesn*thappen,you'reprobablynotintherightrelationship,"sheadded.

19Lifeiscertainlymorecomplexbecauseofopportunitiesthesedays.Andtherelationshipcanoftenbethefirstcasualtyinyoungpeoples'fast-pacedlives.CareergoalsmayspelldisasterforloveNOdislike,nomisunderstanding,andnoturningagainsteachother.ButLinXiissayinggoodbyetoherfirstlove.“HegraduatesthisyearandwillcontinuewithpostgraduatestudiesinTianjin.ButIdon*tlikethatcityandaftergraduation,Iplantogobacktomyhometown,Yantai.Iknowthedistancewillkillthelove,"saidLin,asecond-yearEnglishmajoratChinaGeosciencesUniversity.Thoughit'shardtoforgether"sincere"，“knowledgeable”and“keen-witted“boyfriend,Linappearscalm."Weweretwostraightlines.Whenwemet,ourpathscrossed.Nowwecancontinueonourownpathsseparately."Linhasnoideahowmanypeople,likeher,aregivingupromanceatgraduationtimetopursuedifferentfuturesindifferentcities.But,she'sdefinitelynottheonlyone.ASina.comsurveythisyearfoundabout46percentofcampusloverschoosingtoseparateaftergraduation;onlyabout20percentoftherespondentsplantocontinuetheirrelationshipandgetmarriedinthefuture.Whyislovethafspursuedintheivorytowersounstablewhentheystepoutintotherealworld?ZhouXiaoyan,anexpertoncampusloveattheYouthUniversityforPoliticalSciences,

20saiditwasbecausecollegestudentstodaywerebecomingmorepractical-minded."Manycollegestudentstodayaresinglechildrenbornafterthe1980s.Thisgenerationvaluespersonalinterests,benefitsandfeelingsmore.Sowhenthereareconflictsinlove,noonewillcompromise.LinXi'sisacasewhereeachpersoninsistsonmakingtheirownchoice,HsaidZhou.Jobpressuresareamajorpracticalreasonforthebreak-up.Ifsbecominghardertogetadecentjobandcollegegradsaremorelikelytochoosethejobovertheromance.AccordingtoaXinhuaNewsAgencyreportlastweek,whenaskedaboutthechoicebetweenworkandlove,85percentofuniversitygradschosework;only10percentchoselove.ThesurveywasdonebytheZhengzhouNormalCollegethismonth."I'msureIwouldn*tgiveupajobforthesakeofagirlfriend.Loveneedsmaterialthings.Soajobtohelpmeearnmoneyismoreimportant,explainedWuXiaoxiao,asecondyearstudentatXi'anUniversityofPostandTelecommunications.WuisfromYunnanProvince.Hisparentsarefarawayinhishometown.SoonereasonthatleadsWutofindloveoncampusistoescapethelonelinessanddullnessofcampuslife.HGettingmarriedisnolongertheonlyreasonpeoplefallinlove.Therearevariousreasons:forexample,curiosityandjustwantingtobewithsomeone.Someofthesereasonsdisappearwithgraduationandlovedisappears,"saidLuYulin,oftheChinaYouthandChildResearchCentre.ThislovejusthadnofutureINEVERthoughtIcouldfallforamarriedman,becauseIwassoyoung,andmyeyes

21wereonlyonyoungboys.

22Iwasabouttograduatefromcollegeandgotaninternshipatfoodcompany.Previously,Ihadtalkedbyphonethemanagerofthedepartment.Hewasquitehumorousandtalkedwithmelikeanoldfriend,althoughwehadnevermet.ThenIfinallymethim.Helookedyoungandhandsome.Wesatdownandchattedlikegoodfriends.Hishumourimpressedmeagreatdeal.Ialsolearnedthathewasmarried,andhadafive-yearolddaughter.Inthefollowingdays,weworkedtogetherformorethan12hourseveryday.WeweretiredandIgotacoldandcoughedterribly.Ihadnotimetoseeadoctorandmycoldwasgettingworse.Everyonewasbusywithwork,andnobodypaidanyattentiontomyillnessbuthim.Heencouragedmeasherushedbyme.Heboughtmesomemedicineandhesentmefunnycellphonemessagesafterthegeneralmanagerscoldedmeformyperformance.Thankstohim,Iwasabletogetbackonmyfeeteverymorningtogotowork.WhenIfeltreallydownandwantedtogiveup,Iwouldlookforhiminthecrowd,andmycouragereturned.AlthoughtheworkwashardandIwasill,Ifeltgreathappinessworkingwithhim.Soon,myinternshipwasover,andIgotthetoprewardofalltheinterns.ThenightIreturnedtomycollege,hesentmemessagessayingthathelikedmesomuch,andthathedidn*twantmetogo.IfeltthesameinmyheartandfinallyrealizedhowmuchIlikedhim.

23Butitwasclearlyaloveaffairwithoutafuture.Hewasmarried.Therewasnochancethatwecouldbetogether.HowcouldIbesocruelastohurthiswifeandhislittlegirl?Ididn'twanttobeapersonwhodestroyedotherpeople'sfamilylifeandhedidn'twanttobeanirresponsibleman.Everydayweexpressedourdeeploveforeachotherbymessageorbyphone.Wewantedtoseeeachotherbutwestruggledhardtocontrolourselves.Wetriedmanytimestoendit,butsoongaveup.WhenIheardhimsayhowmuchhemissedme,Ihadtearsinmyeyes.Whatcouldwedo?Wemetbymistake,inthewrongplace,atthewrongtime.Shouldweendit,stopit?Ifeltsohelplessandthelovegrewdeeper.ButIknewitwasuptometoendit.So,finally,Ipreparedmyselfforstudyabroadaftergraduation.Itwasalovewithoutafuture,butIwishedhimallthehappiness,whichIcouldn*tgivehimforallmylife.Iwishedhisfamilyhappiness.Iwilllookformytrueloveandhappinessinanotherworld.ByJulieWong,GuangzhouWhenyourealizeyouwanttospendtherestofyourlifewithsomebody,youwanttherestofyourlifetostartassoonaspossible.〜HWhenHarryMetSally1,(movie)Trueloveislikeabottleofwinethatwillimproveintasteastimegoesby.〜FF(areader)Loveisagamethattwocanplayandbothcanwin.〜WangZhang(areader)You'remissingthepoint

24DearLizi,l,masecondyearcollegestudent.Mygirlfriendisafreshman.Wegottoknoweachotherfiveyearsagoinhighschool.Ayearago,whenshegotintocollege,Iwroteheraloveletterandluckilywasaccepted.Sincewe*reatdifferentschools,farfromeachother,Ihaven'tgottimetogoseeher.Onedayshewrotetomeandsaid:Hlfyoudon*tcomeseemethissummer,I'llhavetoreconsiderourrelationship/'Iknowshewrotethisbecauseshemissesmesomuch.ButIcan'tgothere.I'veexplained,butshedoesn'tunderstand.Idon'tknowwhattodo.RongYou'reahardman,Rong.You'realsototallymissingthepoint.Arelationshipislikeahouse.You'vegottobuilditandthenyou'vegottoliveinit.Otherwise,it'sjustacastleinthesky.Ifyoucan'tbebotheredtospendanytimewiththispoorcreature,thenyourrelationshipisarelationshipinnameonly.Andthatloveletteryousentwasn*tworththepaperitwaswrittenon.Loveisn*taword.Youcan'tjustwriteitdown.It'salivingthingthatneedsyourhelptomakeitgrow.IfIwereyourgirlfriend,I'dhavestartedreconsideringalongtimeago.AndnotbecauseImissedyou,butbecauseyouhadn*tdoneanythingtomakememissyou.

25LiziStopplayingwithdreamsDearLizi,Ifellinlovewithaboyatfirstsightsevenyearsago.Hewasmyclassmateinjuniorhigh.Hewashandsomeandhissmilewassunny.Iwoulddreamabouthimatnight.Wehaven*tseeneachotherforfouryearsnow,andIhaveaboyfriend.ButIstilllovehimverymuch,andIknowthathehasn'tgotagirlfriend.ShouldItellhimhowIfeel?MomoWhataboutyourcurrentboyfriend?Howdoyouthinkhe'dfeelifheknewyou'dbeendreamingaboutsomeotherboyforsevenyears?Whatdoesthatmakehim?Ifyou'resounsatisfiedwithyourpresentmanthatyoucan'tstopthinkingaboutanother,itwouldbeselfishandcrueltostaywithhimanylonger.Butthinkcarefullybeforeyoujump.Areyoureallyinlovewithsomeoldclassmateyouhaven'tseeninfouryears?Doyoureallyhaveachancewithhim?Orhaveyoujustgotcarriedawaybyyourimagination?You'vegottogetreal.Stoptroublingyourselfwithdreamsthatwon'tcometrue,andstartgivingtherealpeopleinyourlifeachance.

26Iwouldratherhavehadonebreathofherhair,onekissfromhermouth,onetouchofherhand,thaneternitywithoutit.〜CityofAngels(movie)Loveisneverlettinggoofeachother.〜137xxxx7104Truelovewillpassthetestoftimeandbeeverlasting.〜Andesen(areader),JilinI'lljustsmileTHEnexttimewemeeteachotheroncampus,I'lljustsmilealittle,nothingmorethanasmile.Onmyfirstdayatuniversity,Inoticedthatshewastheonlypersonintheclassfrommyhometown.Forthatreasonweweretogether.Weusedtohavedinnertogether,hangouttogetherandsharethesamedesktogether.Shewasn'tverypretty,butIfoundherreallylovelyandinnocent,andlikedheralot.InourfirstEnglishclass,theteacheraskedustointroduceourselves.Tomysurprise,shetoldthewholeclassthatshehadaboyfriendandmissedhimverymuch.Itwasn'treallymybusiness,soIdidn'tknowwhymyheartwasbeatingsofast.Weweregoodfriends,whyshouldIthinksomuchofthefactthatshehadaboyfriend?Friendshipshouldstillwork,shouldn*tit?Thefirstfewmonthswerehardforfreshmentoadjusttothenewenvironment.ButIwas

27quitehappy.Weusuallyhelpedeachother.Shegothomesickeasily,andItookheroutforfunandtoldherhowtobalancestudyandplay.Ithoughtalotabouthowtomakeherhappy.Istillrememberquiteclearlymy18thbirthday.SheandanothergoodfriendpersuadedmetogotoaKTVbartospendthenight.Itwasawonderfulnight.Wesanganddrankbeer.Shedrankalotofbeerandgotalittledrunk.Shelaydownonthesofaandcalledherboyfriend'sname.Ifeltalittlebitsad.Thenextmorning,shewastoodrunktomove,andIhadtocarryherbacktothedorm.ThemomentIliftedheruponmybackandfeltmyfacewithherhands,mybrainwentempty.Iknewshedidn*tknowwhatshewasdoing.Iwantedtokissher,butIdidn*t.Thedayswentbyasusual.Onecoolsummernight,sheaskedmeouttotheriverside.Shetoldmeitwasjustforrelaxing.Underthemoonlight,wesatonthegrass.Shetoldmeshefeltsorryforme.Shesaidthatduringthosedayswehadspenttogethershefoundthatshereliedonmemoreandmore.Eachtimeshewasintrouble,shewouldthinkofaskingmeforhelp.Shesaidsheowedmealot,andwasafraidoffallinginlovewithmebecauseshewouldfeelguiltyaboutherboyfriend.Iknewshewasserious,andIsaidnothing.Ifeltlikealoser.Thatwasthebeginningandendofmyfirstlove.NowIburymyselfinbooksandtrytoforgether.Thoughwearestillinthesameclass,wearebecomingstrangers.ShemaythinkI'mcruel,butIthinkIhavetobelikethis.LastSundaywasherbirthday,Ididn*tgototheparty.Herboyfriendwaswithher,soI'djustbeanextra.Ididn'tgiveheranygifteither.Tdliketomakeupforthatbywishingherhappinessforever!

28ByTangJiang,HunanBebrave,followyourdecisionDearLizi,MyboyfriendandIwillbegoingtodifferentuniversitiesafterthesummerholiday.Idon'tthinkI'vegrownup,soIwantmoretimetoknowmoreaboutmyself.Whenwegettouniversity,wewillbothhavetostudyveryhard.SoIwanttoendourrelationshipandjustbegoodfriends.ButI,mafraidIwillhurtmyboyfriendifItellhimwhatIthink,becausehecaresaboutmeverymuch.I'mafraidwewillbecomestrangersinthefuture.WhatshouldIdo?JuneOfcourseyou*regoingtohurthim.Butsometimeswecan'tavoidit.You*vegottofollowyourdecisionandbebrave.Intheend,yourlifeisaboutYOU,andyou*vegottogoyourownway.Youknowthatthingsaregoingtochangeatuniversity,andyou'rerighttowantspacetoletthesechangeshappen.Don'tletyourrelationshipgetintheway.Butdon'tnecessarilythrowitawayeither.Youprobablywon'tbecomefriendsafteryoubreakup,becauselifewilltakeyouindifferentdirections.Butifhe'smatureenoughandyoubothwantit,friendshipisn'timpossible.Ifyoubothworkhardatseeingeachotherandwaitforthepaintodisappear,youmaywellbecomethebestoffriends.Lizi

29JustgowiththeflowDearLizi,I'mamonitor,soIhavemanychancestomakefriendswithmyclassmates.Butsomethinghappenedthatchangedeverything.Ifellinlovewithagirl.OnedayIwroteheralettertoexpressmylove,andshebegantoavoidme.Afewdayslater,shesentmealettertoexplain.Shesaidshecouldn'tacceptmylove.Weareinthesameclassnowandalwaysavoideachother.IfeelreallybadandhavenoideawhatIshoulddo.Pleasehelpme.AreaderGirlslikegettinglovelettersfromsecretadmirers.Idon'tknowwhy.Idon*tthinkitmakessense.You'retryingtobreakintoherlifeuninvited.Dearboy,youmayhavefeelingsforher,butyoudon'thavearelationship,andyou'recertainlynotinlove.Ifyouwanttochangethis,you*regoingtohavetostopavoidingherandstopherfromavoidingyou.Getovertheembarrassmentandstarttalkingtoher.Spendtimewithher,gettoknowher,gettoknowherfriends,andthenjustgowiththeflow.Youmaywellfindyoudon'tactuallyloveherafterall.Butifarelationshipdoesspringup,thenyoucanstarttowriteherloveletters.Andthistimethey'llbereal.Magicmemory

30IHADaboyfriendwhowasniceandkind,andhadawonderfulsenseofhumour.Hehadapromisingfutureandwasgoingabroadforfurtherstudy.Onceinawhilewewouldspendafewdaystogetheractingjustlikeacouple.ThingswentwelluntilonedaywhenIhadtotakeatestatauniversityinGuangzhouwherewebothhadanoldfriend.Myboyfriendaskedhimtolookafterme.Ihadn*tseenthisfriendfromhighschoolfortwoyears,butIthoughtofhimnowandthen.Then,therehewasstandinginfrontofme.Allofasudden,Ifeltmycheeksburning.IwassoembarrassedthatIwantedtorunaway.Thenhesaidhello.Ilookedathim,sayingnothingbut“hello”.Itseemedthatallthosegoodolddayswereback.Welaughedandtalkedwhilewewanderedaroundcampus,andthebeautifulsunsetturnedeverythingred.Ihadnoideawhatweweregoingtodonext,butIdidwanttobewithhim,justaswewere,withnoaim.AndIthoughtwewouldjustgoonthisway,until,suddenly,heturnedtomeandaskedmetostandstill,sayinghewouldbebackinnotime.Hereturnedonabike.HesmiledandaskedwhetherIwouldliketodohimafavour.Hewantedtotakemetoseetheplacewherehewasliving.AndIsaidyes.Thesummerwindliftedhishairandhiswhiteshirtandalsomine.Icouldalmostsmellhisclothes,hishairandevenhisskin.ItseemedlikeIhadmissedsomethingfromalongtimebefore,andIhadfoundit.IknewIwaslost,andhadnowayofgettingback.Thedaygrewdarker,andIknewitwastimetogo,andsodidhe.Weoncemorewalkedaroundthecampushandinhand,

31andwewerebothlostinsilence.Icouldhearnothingbutthesoundofmyheart.Avoiceinmymindwastellingme:Mlt'stimetosaygoodbye.It*sover.**ThenIstopped,andturnedtohim.Ijustlookedathim,searchingforwordsandhewasalsowatchingme,waiting.Then,allofasudden,mycellphonerang.Itwasmyboyfriend.Ilostpatiencewithhimandhungupinahurry.Iknewthefriendwaslistening.BeforeIcouldexplainanything,hesaid:HGoodbye,andtakecare!*'Hewasjuststandingstraight,hiseyeslookingintomine.Somethingmusthavehappenedtobothofus,butwecoulddonothingaboutit.ThenIturnedbackandwentstraightahead,leavinghiminsilence.ItisasecretIshallkeepforaslongasIcan.Westillsendgreetingstoeachother.Webothfeelgoodaboutit,sincewekeepinourmemoryallthemagicalthingsthathappenedtousthatevening.ByArroneyTse,GuangdongJointhecluborgetoutDearLizi,ImetamanfromAustraliaontheInternet.Hecalledmeanddecidedtomeetme.Aftermeetinghimonce,Ifeelclosetohimandthinkhe*skind.ButI'mworried.Idon'twantto

32havesexwithhim.Ijustwanttowalkortalkwithhim.Andhe*s27yearsold!MyGod!Ihavesomanyquestions.IjustwanttopractisemyEnglish.ButI'msurehewantsmore.HowdoIdealwiththis?SarahLetmeguesswhatyouradsaid:Cute,youngChinesegirllooksforwildforeignguyforlanguageexchangeandmaybemore.Youmustknowhowthestereotypegoes,Sarah!Hewantsanice-looking,obedient,sexyChinesegirltotakehimaroundtown,andshewantsarich,English-speakingforeignertoshowoffandmaybe,oneday,ifshe*sreallylucky,getheratickettoaforeigncountry.Ifyouwanttojointheclubofwomenlookingformore,thenyou*regoingtohavetogoalltheway,darling.Ifit*sonlyalanguageexchangepartnerthatyouwant,thenfindaforeigner,preferablyfemale,who'sstudyingChineseatoneoftheuniversities.Lizistereotype:模式化的思想，形象Whatareyouafraidof?DearLizi,Mygirlfriendissocharmingandattractivethatmanyboysatmyuniversitypursueher,evenwhentheyknowshehasaboyfriend.She'sabitofasocialbutterfly.Therearealotofboysbyhersideeveryday.Myroommates,whodon'tknowher,oftensayshe'sabadgirl.Once,Inearlyfoughtwithoneofmyroommatesforsayingthat.Ifeelunderveryheavypressure.WhatshouldIdo?Gerbera

33Whyareyouafraidofthecompetition,Gerbera?She'swithyou,notthem,right?Youshouldbeproudthatsuchabeautifulandpopulargirlhaschosenyouasherboyfriend.Ifshelikesmalecompany,youshouldn*ttrytostopherfromenjoyingit.Jealousyandtryingtocontrolsomeonearerealrelationshipkillers.Letherbeherself,letherstretchherwings.She'llappreciateit,andshellkeepcomingback.Shellalsoappreciateyouforlovingherforwhosheis.BythatImeanthepersonunderthatprettyskin.Mostattractivegirlswhojumparoundfromheretothereanddemandattentionareactuallyveryinsecure.TheyNEEDtheattentionbecausethey*reafraidnooneseesbeyondtheirbeauty.Tmsuremostofthecharminggirl'sadmirersareshort-sightedinthisway.Butyoudon'thavetobe.Getunderherskin,Gerbera,andyou'llbewithheralways.LiziTheonlyfeelingofreallossiswhenyoulovesomeonemorethanyouloveyourself.〜GoodWillHunting(Movie)Loveisabutterfly,which,ifpursued,isjustbeyondyourgrasp,butwhich,ifyousitdownquietly,mayalightuponyou.〜132xxxx0483Messageto:8002921(ChinaMobile)9002921(ChinaUnicom)Add"Iv*'(sweetnothings),ornfwH(survey)andaspacebeforeyourtext.(0.30yuanpermessage).SurveyWouldyoubejealousifyourpartnerhadtoomanyfriends?Joinouronlinesurveyat

34www.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuswitha"Yes'*ora"No".We'llreleasetheresultsnextweek.Doyouthinkyoucanremainfriendswithyourex-girl/boyfriendafteryoubreakup?Theonlyfeelingofreallossiswhenyoulovesomeonemorethanyouloveyourself.〜GoodWillHunting(Movie)Loveisabutterfly,which,ifpursued,isjustbeyondyourgrasp,butwhich,ifyousitdownquietly,mayalightuponyou.〜132xxxx0483Messageto:8002921(ChinaMobile)9002921(ChinaUnicom)Add'Iv*'(sweetnothings),or”fw”(survey)andaspacebeforeyourtext.(0.30yuanpermessage).SurveyWouldyoubejealousifyourpartnerhadtoomanyfriends?Joinouronlinesurveyatwww.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuswitha“Yes"ora“No”.We'llreleasetheresultsnextweek.Doyouthinkyoucanremainfriendswithyourex-girl/boyfriendafteryoubreakup?Theonlyfeelingofreallossiswhenyoulovesomeonemorethanyouloveyourself.〜GoodWillHunting(Movie)

35Loveisabutterfly,which,ifpursued,isjustbeyondyourgrasp,butwhich,ifyousitdownquietly,mayalightuponyou.〜132xxxx0483Messageto:8002921(ChinaMobile)9002921(ChinaUnicom)AddHlvM(sweetnothings),or“fw”(survey)andaspacebeforeyourtext.(0.30yuanpermessage).SurveyWouldyoubejealousifyourpartnerhadtoomanyfriends?Joinouronlinesurveyatwww.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuswitha“Yes"ora"No".We'llreleasetheresultsnextweek.Doyouthinkyoucanremainfriendswithyourex-girl/boyfriendafteryoubreakup?After-classloveHE*sateacher,andI'mastudent.IstillrememberthefreshairandbrightsunshineoftheFebruaryafternoonwhenIfirstmethim.HewasdressedinablacksuitandabouttostartteachingattheJuniorCollegewhereIwasstudying.Helookedveryyoungandinexperienced,soIdidn*texpecthimtobeagoodteacher.Thefirstday,Ifellasleepduringhisclass.WhenIwokeandraisedmyhead,Isawthathewasstaringatme.Therewasaspecialexpressioninhiseyes.Washescoldingme

36forsleepinginclass?Helookedseriousandstrict,buttherewassomethingelsetohisexpression.Then,theteacherbegantospeak.Tomygreatsurprise,hespokeeloquentlyandhadexcellentoralEnglish.AfewdayslateronSundaymorning,Iattendedanotherclassofhis.Thistime,heworeagreysuit.Hisfacewasverypalefromlackofsleep,buthisspiritwasgood.Fromthenon,Itookeverychancetospeakwithhimafterclass.Irememberedhiseverygestureandeveryword.WhenhefoundoutthatIsmoked,hegavemeacigarette.ButIdidn*tsmokeit;Ikeptit.LaterIboughtapackofthesamebrand,Dahongying.It'sfragrancealwaysremindsmeofthemoodofbeinginlove.AfterIgraduatedin2004,Iwenttotheuniversitywhereheworkedjusttoseehim.Ididn*twarnhimaheadoftimeandwehadn'tkeptintouch.Iwasshockedwhenhecalledandaskedmetojoinhisclass.Ithadtobedestiny,Ithought.Iwenttohisclasswithouthesitation.Ididn'tcareifhisstudentswerecurious,Iwasjustsohappytoseehim.ThatDecember,IdecidedtobuyhimaChristmaspresent.Iwalkedfromshoptoshopinthepouringrain,butIcouldn*tfindtherightgift.Afterawholeafternoonofsearching,Igaveup.ButIhadanotheridea.Iwasgoodatdrawingandwriting,soIdecidedtogivehimsomethingthatreallycamefromme.Idrewapictureofasmokingmanandwroteunderneath:MIdon*twanttobecool,Ijustwanttobeonmyown.',Attheendofthewintersemester,Igavehimthedrawing.Helikedthegift.Hetoldme

37thatIcouldSMSoremailhim,becauseIwasabouttomovetoanothercitytocontinuemystudies.Heaskedwhetherhewouldseemeagain,andIpromisedIwouldbeback.I'mnowlivinginthenewcity,andIstillsmokeDahongyingtoremindmeofhim.ByEvangelionJustwhat'stheattractionDearLizi,l,manEnglishteacherataruraljunior-middleschool.I'm32,butstillsingle.Since2002,l*vebeeninlovewitha15-year-oldgirlwhoisgraduatingfrommyschoolthisyear.Shewasmystudentinherfirstandsecondyears.Ihaven'ttoldherthatIloveher,butaboutamonthago,shestartedavoidingme,soIthinksheknows.Ifeelterriblydepressed,becausesheisandwillbetheonlygirlIlove.IknowtheoddsareagainstmebecauseI'mpoorand17yearshersenior,butIwanttowaittillshe'sgrownupsothatIcanmarryher.PleasetellmehowIcangethertomarryme.Soshewas12whenyoustartedgettingseriousabouther,right?Andyou*reherteacher?Evenifthatwasn'tdisgusting,Istillwouldn'tunderstand.She'sateenagerforGod'ssake!Whatonearthistheattraction?Don*ttellmeyou'reattractedbyherwittyconversation!Ireallythinkyouneedtogetoutmore.Beingstuckinthatvillageschoolisn*thealthy,especiallyforasingleman.You'reobviouslythinkingaboutmarriage.Andit'sabouttime,too.Doitquickbeforeyoureallydogomad.Don'twaitforyourlittlegirltogrowup,becauseIpromiseyousheneverwill-therellalwaysbe17yearsbetweenyou.Findsomeonefromyourowngeneration?awomanwiththematuritytostimulateyourmindaswellasyourbody.

38LiziTheonlyfeelingofreallossiswhenyoulovesomeonemorethanyouloveyourself.〜GoodWillHunting(movie)WhenIsawyouIknewI'dloveyouoneday.NowIrealizethatonedayiseveryday.〜135xxxx7545Messageto:8002921(ChinaMobile)9002921(ChinaUnicom)Add“Iv”(sweetnothings),or“fw”(survey)andaspacebeforeyourtext.(0.30yuanpermessage).SurveyDoyouthinklovebetweenastudentandhis/herteacherisunethical?Joinouronlinesurveyatwww.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuswitha"Yes"ora“No".We'll

39releasetheresultsnextweek.Wouldyoubejealousifyourpartnerhadtoomanyfriendsoftheoppositesex?58%yesvs.42%noIneedmyindependenceDearLizi,Imetmyboyfriendatuniversity.We'vebothnowgraduatedandareworkinginhishometown,whichissmallandruralandfarfrommyfamily.Igaveupmydreamofbecomingateachertobewithhim,andIfeelverylimitedbymypresentjob.MymotherthinksI*mwastingmylife,buthisfamilydon'tthinkI*dbeabletomakeagoofitonmyown.Theyarealreadymakingarrangementsforourmarriage.Theyhaveevenborrowedabigamountofmoney,whichmyboyfriendandIwillhavetopaybackintheend.AlthoughIlovemyboyfriend,Idon*twanttogetmarriedsoearly.IfIdoIwillnevergetachancetopursuemydreams.WhatshouldIdo?HuiziTheFrenchauthorof"TheLittlePrince'*,AntoinedeSaint-Exupery,oncesaidthatlovewastwopeoplestandingsidebysideandlooking,notateachother,butratherinthesamedirection.BythatIthinkhemeantthatequalityandshareddreamsarethemostimportantthingsinarelationship.You,mydeargirl,seemtohaveneither.You'vefollowedyourmantothedeadendoftheearthandnowyou'relettinghisfamilyputyouonaleash.Doyourealizehowmuchdamageyou'redoingtoyourself?Thisisyourlife.Followyourmother'sadvice(mumsusuallygetitright),followyourdreams(that'swhatwehavethemfor),andstepoutofthekitchenintothebig,bad,beautifulworld.

40LivingindifferentworldsDearLizi,MygirlfriendandIstudyatdifferentcolleges.Besideschattingonlineandwritingtoeachother,Icallhersometimes.Buttheproblemisthateachtimewetalkonthephone,Ijustdon'tknowwhattosay.Idon'tthinkwehavemuchincommon.Soeachtimeitjustendsinanembarrassingsilence.HowcanImakethingsbetter?AnronIadmireyourpatience,Anron.Mostpeopleinyoursituationwouldn'tseeanypointinstrugglingonwiththerelationship.Infact,mostguyswhofailedtofindanythingincommonwithagirlprobablywouldn'tstartgoingoutwithherinthefirstplace(onewouldhope).SobeingtheoldromanticthatIam,I'llassumeyoubecameacouplebecauseyoudid,atleastinthebeginning,havesomeaffinityforeachother.Butnowthingshavechanged.Well,tobehonest,thafsnatural.You*reatdifferentuniversitiesandlifeistakingyouindifferentdirections.Youcouldjustacceptthisandmoveongracefully.Ontheotherhand,ifyoureallylikethisgirl,you*regoingtohavetodosomethingtokeeptherelationshipgoing.Don*tjustcallher.Spendtimewithher.Takeherout.Planyourfuturetogether.Ithinkyou'llsoonfindlotsofthingstotalkabout.Ybuwilldoanythingfortheoneyoulove....Exceptlovethemagain.—Faithful(movie)Lovecomesalongwithpain.—136xxxx9407

41SurveyDoyouwantabig-brother-and-little-sisterrelationship?Joinouronlinesurveyatwww.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuswitha“Yes"ora"No".We'llreleasetheresultsnextweek.Doyouthinklovebetweenastudentandhis/herteacherisunethical?66%saysnoand34%saysyesLikeabrotherMYchildhoodsweethearthasbecomeamanagerinBeijing.IamlivinginmyhometownofTianjin,waitingforthebirthofmyfirstbabywithanotherman.Wearestillfriends,butouroldlovealsostaysinmymemory.WemetaspenfriendswhenIwasinhighschool.HewasafreshmanatafamousuniversityinBeijing.Wekeptsendinglettersfrequentlyandcallingeachothersometimes,talkingaboutourschoollives.Talkingwithhimmademewonderhowniceitwouldbetostudyatagooduniversity.TheneverythingchangedwhenIfailedinthecollegeentranceexamandhadtoenteraprivateschoolinBeijing.Atfirst,hecametomyschooltocheckthateverythingwasgoingwell.Hewasjustlikeabigbrothertakingcareofhislittlesister.Iwastouchedbyhim.Hewasahumorousmanandfullofknowledge.Heevengotapart-timejobtosupporthisstudiesinBeijing.Isoonrealizedthathewasanidealrolemodel,andstartedtoadmirehim.ButIdarednothopefortoomuchfromhim,becauseofhewassoexcellent.EverytimeIwasinvitedtovisithispark-likecampus,Ifeltashamedofmyself.Onaquietnight,thetwoofuswerewalkinginthesuburbofthecity.Afterashort

42silence,heturnedtomesuddenlyandsaid,nlloveyou.Wouldyoubemygirlfriend?**Readingtheeagernessinhiseyes,IknewIwasthehappiestgirlintheworld!Afterhebecamemyloverheactedlikeabigbrotherstill,makingstudyplansforme.Mystudyimprovedalotbecauseofhishelp.SometimesIaskedhimwhyhechosemetobehisgirlfriendwhilethereweresomanyothergirlsaroundhim,buthejustsaidIwasmorelovely.However,IwasstilluncomfortablewheneverIwenttohisschool.OneMay1holiday,hecametomyhometownwithmetoseemyparentsandwespentnearlyaweekthere.Buttomysurprise,myparentswerenotreallysatisfiedwithmyboyfriend.Theydidn*tlikehislooks.Tomakethingsworse,myparentsworriedImightnotpayenoughattentiontomystudiesnowthatIhadaboyfriend.Influencedbymyparents'words,thelightaroundhiminmyheartfadedawaylittlebylittle.AsIbuiltupmyownconfidenceinstudyingandschoollife,IfoundthathewasnotsoperfectasIthoughtanymore.Heseemedoverconfidentandtooproud,askingmetodothingsIdidn'tlike.Infact,Iwasnotalittlegirlanymore,andIcoulddowellwithouthim.Iwrotealonglettertohim,tellinghimmyfeelings,andcalledanendtoourtwo-yearrelationship.Idarednottellhimfacetofacebecausehewassuchagoodmanandhehadnotreallydoneanythingwrongtome.IknewIwascoldbutIjustdidn*tfeellikelovinghimanymore.Maybeloveisjustastrangething,anditcomesandgoessoquickly.Hewashurtbytheletterbutacceptedthefact.Yetheremainedmybestfriendandbig

43brothereverafter.Nowmanyyearshavepassed,andwearelivingindifferentcitiesandfollowingdifferentcareers.DoeshethinkaboutourlovestoryasoftenasIdo?Doeshestillhateme?ByShiAndreaHLifeisfullofmisery,loneliness,andsuffering-andit'sallovermuchtoosoon,'*〜WoodyAllen**Loveisahouse.Youmustputeverythinginbeforeyoumoveintoit”.〜137xxxx5118SurveyDoyouthinkinterculturalrelationshipcanworkout?Joinouronlinesurveyatwww.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuwitha"Yes"ora"No”.Wellreleasetheresultsnextweek.Lastweek'ssurveyresultDoyouwanta"bigbrother-littlesisterrelationship?80%saysyesand20%no.Distractedbybeauty

44DearLizi,I'mathird-yearstudent.Idon'thaveaboyfriend,butI'mlongingforlove.TheproblemisthatI'mnotsatisfiedwiththepeoplewholoveme.I'mverybeautifulandmanyboyshaveexpressedtheiraffectionforme.ButIdidn'tgetinvolvedwithanyofthem,becauseIthinktheyjustfellinlovewithmyphysicalappearance,insteadofmeasaperson.IfIweren*tbeautiful,Tmsuretheywouldn*tfancyme.Lookingforaboyfriendwholovesbothmyoutsideaswellasmyinsideissodifficult.Ifeelstressedsometimes.Canyougivemeanyadvice?HelenAhyes,beauty.Itisacurse,isn'titHelen?ButIdon*tthinkyoufullyunderstandthenatureofthatcurse.Youthinktheproblemiseveryoneelse.That'stypical,really.Beautifulpeoplefinditeasytogetwhattheywant,whichmeanstheyneverhavetotryorimprove.You'reusedtothinkingyou,reperfect,aren*tyou?Well,you*renot.Nooneis.Ifyouwantaboyfriend,you'regoingtohavetorealizeyou'renobetterthaneveryoneelse.Thismighthelpyougetclosertoallthoseadmirersyoulookdownon.Buthaveyouevergiventhemachancetodomorethanjustgazeonyourmiraculousappearance?Menmightchaseaftergoodlooks(it*sbiological),buttheydon'tstayunlessthere'ssomethingmore.Justcan'ttrustthosegirlsDearLizi,EverytimeIreadyourcolumnwithallthoseheart-breakingstories,Ithinkofmyself.Onceagirlwasreallykindtomeandevenaskedmetobeherboyfriend,butIrefused.Thenshegotanotherboyfriend.However,thegirlIlovedgotacrushonanotherboyand

45justtreatsmeasanordinaryfriend.Then,Iturnedmyeyestoathirdgirl,onlytofindthatshehadaboyfriendtoo.Inowexpectlittlefromthem.ItoldmyselfthatgirlsoncampusareNOTreliable.Butmaybeit'sjustthat"theone**hasn'tturnedupyet?Ohdisbeliever,soyoungandyetsocynical.Whydoyouthinkgirlsareunreliablejustbecausesomemanagedtofindpartnerswhileyou'vefailed?Perhapsit'snottheirfault.Perhapsit'syou.Itdoesn'thelpanyone,leastofallyourgraciousself,tohaveabadopinionoftheverycreaturesyou'retryingtowin.Whynottryrespectingthegirlsinyourlife?Peoplegenerallyrespondbettertorespectthandisdain.Then,when"theone"doesfinallycomealong,you'llstandmoreofachancewithher.CultureclashITseemslikeastoryinaromanticAmericanmovie:wefellinlovewhenwefirstmetonaspringafternoonwheneverythinglookedbeautifulinthewarmsunshine.Then,wegavephonenumberstoeachother.Thingsafterthatjustwentonnaturally.Wewentouttogetherandbecameboyfriendandgirlfriend.HeisKoreanandIamChinese.Theinterculturalromancemadeusfeelreallyexcitedforawhile.Wewentaroundthecityforneatplacesandgoodfood;wewalkedhandinhand.However,inmyexperience,thelongertwopeopleofdifferentculturalbackgroundsstaytogether,themoredifferentyoufindyouare.Forexample,Koreanboysgooutanddrinkwithfriendsatnight.ThoughIhatedit,Ihadtoputupwithit.ButtheonetimeIplannedtostayoutlatewithmyfriends,hewasreallyangry.MYouareagirl!Howcanyoudothat?**Atthatmoment,theimageofhouse

46wives,waitingfortheirdrunkhusbandstocomehomeinthemiddleofthenightinKoreanmoviescameintomymind.IknowthatinKoreanculture,menhaveasayathomeandenjoyhighersocialstatus.Butitwashardtoacceptwhenithappenedtome.Iwasreallysadandwequarrelled.Helaterapologizedonthephone.HesaidhewouldchangehisKoreanwaysofthinking.Mldon'twanttoloseyou,*'hesaid.Iwasdisappointed.ThisisnottheloveI'vebeendreamingof.It'sakindofone-sidedsacrifice.Idon*twantmylovedonetohavetotryhardtochangehisvaluesforme.Iknowgivingupalittleisnecessaryfortwopeoplewhatevertheirbackgrounds.ButIjustcouldn*tbearit.Conflictslikethiscouldhappenanywhereandanytime.Forexample,herespectshisparentsandwouldratherfollowtheiradvicethandecidethingsonhisown.Hethinkssocietywouldbemorestableifallthewomenstayathome,doinghouseworks,whichIcan'taccept.IsaidIbelievedwomenalsodoalotforthedevelopmentofsociety.Thatsoundedjustasunacceptabletohim.Hethinksitislovelytolivewithhisparents,whocouldstilltakecareofhim.ButIhopeIcanhavemyownlife,especiallywhenIreachedacertainage.Weboththoughtdifferently.Or,moreexactly,wethoughtjustdifferently.Dayafterday,Ibegantodoubttherelationship.Ibelievedourlove,butIwonderedwhetheritwasgoinganywhere.Icouldn'thelpwondering,couldlovegothroughallthosedifferencesinbasicvalues?Astimewentby,wegrewmoreandmoreclosetoeachother.Buttheconflictswereevenstronger.Webothhavetriedveryhardtocompromise.Butwestillfeltthegapbetweenuswidenedeverymoment—and,therewasnothingwecandoaboutit.Itseemstousthatwefacedanimpossiblemission.I'mleavingforAmericanextmonthtostudyformyPhDdegree.Ihavedecidednotto

47contacthimwhenIamintheStates,andhehasnoideaaboutmyleaving.ItisnotthatIamgoingtodumphimandlookforanotherromance.Itismorelikea"break"?lneedabreakfromtheendlessconflicts.Iwouldliketofreezeourlovewhileitisstillfresh,hopingsomedayinthefutureitwillcomebacktous.YetIstilldon'tknow:Doeslove,aspromised,conquerall?ByareaderMissedchanceIFELLinlovewiththeboywhosenameisStephenduringthelastsummervacationaftergraduationfromhighschool.AtthattimewebothjoinedanoralEnglishclass.ThefirsttimeIsawhimtherewasamagicfeelinginmyheart.Hewasnotonlyhandsomebutmostimportantlyhewasverykind,fullofenergyandalwaysreadytohelpothers.Helovedsportsandhissmilewasjustlikesunshine.The20daysofstudyseemedtoflysofast.ButIdidn'tdaretoaskhisphonenumberwhentheclasswasover.BecauseIwassuchacommongirl,Ididn'thavetheconfidence.Sowedidn*thearfromeachotherduringthefirsthalf-yearofcollege.Astimepassedby,myloveforhimdidn'tfadebutgrewwitheachpassingday.OnedayduringthewintervacationIwasverylucky.Wemetonline.Wegaveourphonenumberstoeachother.Duringthewholevacation,hekeptsendingmetextmessageseveryday.Evenashortmessagesuchas"Becarefulwhenyougooutonasnowyday"wouldwarmmyheartandmademequitemoved.Everydaywasfullofsurpriseandhappiness.ButlaterIthoughtoverandoveragain,hewassuchanexcellentboyandIdidn'tmatchhimatallsinceIwassocommon.Wewereanimpossiblematch.Itoldmyselftostopdreamingandbegantobecoldtohimandsometimesevendidnotrespondtohismessages.Timeflew.Hehadn'tsentmeasinglemessageforamonthuntilonedayhesentmeone

48tellingmethathefoundagirlfriend.Iwassosaduponthenews.Itwasasifsomeonehasrippedaholeinmyheartandfilleditwithanexpandingemptiness.Itoldmyselftoforgethim.Butthatwasimpossible.Ifoundmyselfcontinuingtothinkofhimallthetime.EspeciallyatnightassoonasIclosemyeyes,hejustappearedinmymind.IthoughtIwasgoingcrazy.Therewasjustastrongdesireinmyhearttoseehim.FinallyIwrotehimane-mailtoexpressmyloveandhowIfeltabouthimduringthewholeyear.ThenextdayIreceivedhisreply.Hesaidthathewasquitesurprisedtogetmye-mail.Healsosaidheoncelikedme,buthewasnotsurewhetherheisgoodenoughforme.HewasafraidthatIwouldturnhimdown.Hedidnothavetheconfidence.Hedidnotwanttofail.Ineverthoughtthatwehadthesameideaswhichledustohavemissedthechance.Sometimesforlovewedon'tneedtobeperfect.Whatlovereallyneedsisunderstandingandtrust.Stephen,Ijustwanttosayonethingtoyou:Whereveryougo,whateveryoudo,Iwillberightherewaitingforyou...Broomstickgivesyoufun

49DearLizi,Pma15-year-oldschoolgirl.WhenIwasingradeone,Ifellinlovewithaboywho*sfamousallovertheworld.He'sthestarwhoplaysHarryPotter.Butoneoftheboysinmyclass,Z,lovesme.We'regoodfriendsandhealwayshelpsmewithmyproblems.Hedoesn'tevenmindmetalkingaboutHarry.SometimesIfindmyselfthinkingofZ.Idon'tknowwhy.WhatshouldIdo?ShouldIgiveupthefamousboyforZ?IknowI'mabittooyoungforlove,butthiscouldbecomeabigproblemforme!HelpmeLizi.Tellmewhotochoose.AreaderHarryPotterofcourse.Imean,he'ssocutewiththatfunnymarkonhisforehead.Andhecanrideabroomstick!Thatactorwhoplayshimmustbereallyclevertorideabroomstick.Ormaybehe'sjustanactorwho'sonlypretendingtobebornforgreatnessandrunningacrossallthoseinterestingadventures.Anyway,you*llhavemuchmorefunonabroomstickthanyouwouldwithZ.Imean,whoneedsarealboyfriendwhenyoucanspendyourwholelifewaitingforthenextPottermovie?Let'sjusthopetheydon*tstopmakingthem!Nobilityisthebestway

50DearLizi,I'masenioratuniversity.Threemonthsago,Ifellinlovewithagirl.Thenshetoldmeshehadaboyfriendinanothertown.ItoldherIwantedafairchancetowinherheart.Sowestarteddatinganditwaswonderful.ButthenshetoldmethatwheneverIwasn*tthere,she'dfeelbadfortheotherboy.Irealizedshestilllovedhimanddidn'twanttohurtanyone.SoImadethepainfuldecisiontopartwithher.ThefirsttimeIsawher,Iknewshewasmytruelove.ImissherverymuchandIfeelnothingforothergirls.WhatcanIdo?BlueinJiangsuHownobleofyou,Blue.Beproudofyourself.Youdidtherightthing.Iftherewasnootherboyyoutwomighthavebeenperfecttogether.Butthislifedoesn'tallowforifs.Hadshedecidedtobreakupwiththepoorboy(who*snotinthesametown,soyourcompetitionforherheartwasfarfromfair),she'dstillhavehadtodealwithherfeelingsforhim,aswellasherguilt.Beingsuchanicefellow,guiltwouldhavenodoubtmadeyoufeelbadtoo.Guiltislikeasplinterinyourtoe.Ifleft,itcouldhurtyourwholefoot.Sodon'tbesad.Youmighthavelostonetruelove,butyoullfindanother.Justremembertomakesureshe'savailableBEFOREyoufallheadoverheels!Asuccessfulmarriagemeansfallinginlovemanytimes,butalwayswiththesameperson.135xxxx0030

51Ittakesanhourtolikesomeoneandadaytolovesomeone,butittakesalifetimetoforgetsomeone.〜131xxxx8920SurveyDoyouthinkgirlsshouldtaketheinitiativetoexpresslove?Joinouronlinesurveyatwww.21stcentury.com.cnorshortmessageuswitha“Yes"ora“No”.Wellreleasetheresultsnextweek.Lastweek'ssurveyresuItQuestion:Doyouthinkinterculturalrelationshipscanworkout?Result:83%sayyesand17%sayno.Lovewon'tobeyourexpectations,itsmysteryispureandabsolute.〜BridgesofMadisonCounty(movie)Trueloveneedsthecontrolofemotion.〜135xxxx9029Tooloyalforhisowngood?DearLizi,I'mwritingonbehalfofmybestfriend.Webothgraduatedtwoyearsago.Hefellinlovewithhisgirlfriendinthelastyearofcollege.Aftergraduation,shereturnedtoNingxiawhilehestayedinLiaoning.Atthetime,Ithoughtthatwouldbetheendoftheirrelationship.Buttomysurprise,hegaveupagoodjobtogotoNingxia.Hewasn'table

52tostaylongbecauseofproblemswiththegirl'sfamilyandwithfindingajob.Sohemovedagain,thistimetoNingbowherehe'sfoundanothergoodjob.Butnowhe'sreturnedtoNingxia.Ithinkhe*stooloyal.Andwhydoesn'thisgirlfrienddoanythingforhim?Whatdoyouthink?Yourfriendmaywellbeactingstupidly,butsowhat?Doingsillythingsiswhatbeingyoungisallabout.Tmsurethatevenifyourfriendismakingamistake,he*slearningalotintheprocess.Andatleasthewon*tspendtherestofhisliferegrettinglostlovejustbecausehewastoosensible.Ofcourse,thisgirlcouldbemakingmoreofaneffort.Butwhoknowshersituation?ShemayhavefamilytiesinNingxia.Itisalsostilltruethatgirlshavefeweropportunitiesthanboys,especiallywhenitcomestolivingawayfromhomeandfindingagoodjob.Anyway,whatadearcaringfriendthatyouare.Butit*sactuallynoneofyourbusiness.SoI'llleavethemtoitifIwereyou.LiziMakeyourowndecisionsDearLizi,HavingjustgraduatedIneedtomakechoicesaboutmyfuturesuchaswhereIwanttoliveandfindingajob.Myboyfriendisaforeigner.He*snowbackinhisowncountry,he*spromisedtocomebackandworkinChina.WhenIaskedhisadvice,hesaidthatitwasmyfutureandIshouldmakemyowndecisions.Hetellsmehelovesmeeveryday,buthedoesn'tseemtocareaboutOURfuture.Ifeelterrible.Tdreallyappreciateyouradvice.Actuallysweetie,yourboyfriend'sgotapoint.Itisyourfutureandyoushouldmakeyourowndecisions.Bytellingyouthat,he*sshowingrespect.He'ssayingthathedoesn'twantapartnerwhofollowshimaroundlikeapuppy.Thisdoesn'tmeanhedoesn'tcareaboutyourfuturetogether.He*spreparedtocomebacktoChinaandgiveitago.Butwhatifthingsdon'tworkout?Beingwithaforeignerisn'teasy.Idon*twanttostarttalkingaboutculturaldifferences,butitistruethatyou'llhavedifferentexpectations.

53Therelationshipneedstoberock-solidtoovercomethis.Asaforeigner,hehaschoices.Hewantsyoutohavethemtoo.Don'tbuildyourlifearoundhim.Createyourown?youmaybesurprisedathowmuchyourrelationshipimproves.LiziPart-timeLovePERHAPSitwasabeautifuldreamformetomeether.Iwonderifitwilleverhappenagain?Duringlastwintervacation,Igotapart-timejobasasalespromoterinasupermarket.Oneofmycolleagueswasaspecialgirl.ThefirsttimeImether,IwasshockedwhenIsawanobviousscaronherleftcheek.Icalmeddownquickly,butitwasclearthatshewashurtbymytrembling"hello”.Ididn*tthinkshewasalovelygirlduringthefirsttwodays.Itseemedthatshewasveryindifferenttotheothers,asshejustworkedathercomputeranddidn*tsayawordallday.However,IwasimpressedbyhergoodhandwritingwhenIglancedathernotebook.Ibegantonoticeandadmireher,eventriedtotalktoher.Oneweeklater,thesupermarketdecidedtoopenlater,sowehadtoworkuntil10o*clockintheevening.TheothercolleaguesandIdidn'tcareatall,sincetheycouldwalkhomeandIhadabike.However,shewasworriedbecausetherewasnobusesafter10.Whenwefinished,sherushedoutandwasabouttotakeataxi.Icalledhername.Shestoppedandturnedaround.Istoodbymybikeandsaidjokingly,"Mytaxiisforfree."Shesmiledandsaid,MYoumustbejoking!DoyouknowwhereIlive?'1Iansweredwithoutthinking,MNomatterhowfar,Iwilltakeyouhome/'

54ItwasareallylongjourneyandIbegantoregretmydecision.Butwhenwearrived,shewavedgoodbyeandsaid:MThankyou,littlebrother,becarefulonyourwayhome!*'Iwasconfused,''Littlebrother?Iam21!',Shelaughed,MYes,Iam2yearsolderthanyou,soyoushouldcallmeoldersister.'*Icouldnotbelievemyears,shelookedsoyoung.Fromthenon,Iaccompaniedherhomeeveryevening.Shetoldmeshehadnoconfidencebecauseofthescaronherface.Shecomplaineditwasunfairthatnobigcompanieswouldinterviewher,despitebeingwell-educated.Soshehadtodopart-timejobshereandthere.IalwaysfeltsorryforherwhenIheardherstories.Ifoundthescaronherfacewasnotsouglyanymore,andIevenconsidereditadecoration.Itreasuredeveryminutewespenttogether,asIknewwewouldsoonseparate.Thedayfinallycame,whenthesalespromotingperiodwasover.Ihadtocontinuemystudies,andshewantedtoworkinanotherprovince.Irealizedthisdreamtimewastoend.ThelastnightIsentherhome,Igavehermyphonenumberandshealsogavemehers.Whenshegotoffmybikeandthankedmepleasantlyasusual,Iburstintotears,asIthoughtwemightnevermeeteachotheragain.Shekissedmyforeheadtocomfortme.ThenIaskedifIcouldkissher.ShenoddedandIslightlykissedthescaronhercheekandtoldherIlikedeverythingabouther.ShesaidthatIhadrebuiltherconfidence,whilsttearsrolleddownhercheeks.Thatwastheendofmyshort-livedlove,becausewedidnotcalleachother.Anyhow,IstillthankGodforbringingmeanangel,eventhoughtheangelisnotperfect.