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1、1、IaskedGodforabike,butIknowGoddoesn'tworkthatway.SoIstoleabikeandaskedforforgiveness.2、Iwanttodiepeacefullyinmysleep,likemygrandfather..Notscreamingandyellinglikethepassengersinhiscar.3、Donotarguewithanidiot.Hewilldragyoudowntohislevelandbeatyouwithexperience.4、ThelastthingIwa
2、nttodoishurtyou.Butit'sstillonthelist.5、Ifsexisapainintheass,thenyou'redoingitwrong...6、Theearlybirdmightgettheworm,butthesecondmousegetsthecheese.7、Weliveinasocietywherepizzagetstoyourhousebeforethepolice.8、Havingsexislikeplayingbridge.Ifyoudon'thaveagoodpartner,you'dbetterhav
3、eagoodhand.9、SomepeoplearelikeSlinkies...notreallygoodforanything,butyoucan'thelpsmilingwhenyouseeonetumbledownthestairs.10、Politiciansanddiapershaveonethingincommon.Theyshouldbothbechangedregularly,andforthesamereason.11、Wardoesnotdeterminewhoisright-onlywhoisleft.12、Womenmigh
4、tbeabletofakeorgasms.Butmencanfakeawholerelationship.13、Weneverreallygrowup,weonlylearnhowtoactinpublic.14、Menhavetwoemotions:HungryandHorny.Ifyouseehimwithoutanerection,makehimasandwich.15、Lighttravelsfasterthansound.Thisiswhysomepeopleappearbrightuntilyouhearthemspeak.16、Mymo
5、therneversawtheironyincallingmeason-of-a-bitch.17、IthoughtIwantedacareer,turnsoutIjustwantedpaychecks.18、Ifyouthinknobodycaresifyou'realive,trymissingacoupleofpayments.19、Sexisnottheanswer.Sexisthequestion."Yes"istheanswer.20、Eveningnewsiswheretheybeginwith'Goodevening',andthen
6、proceedtotellyouwhyitisn't.21、Howisitonecarelessmatchcanstartaforestfire,butittakesawholeboxtostartacampfire?22、If4outof5peopleSUFFERfromdiarrhea...doesthatmeanthatoneenjoysit?23、Knowledgeisknowingatomatoisafruit;Wisdomisnotputtingitinafruitsalad.24、IfGodiswatchingus,theleastwe
7、candoisbeentertaining.25、Never,underanycircumstances,takeasleepingpillandalaxativeonthesamenight.26、Ididn'tfightmywaytothetopofthefoodchaintobeavegetarian27、Abusstationiswhereabusstops.Atrainstationiswhereatrainstops.Onmydesk,Ihaveaworkstation..28、IfIagreedwithyouwe'dbothbewron
8、g.29、Didyouknowthatdolphinsaresosmartthatwithinafewwee
