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1、一模开放作文讲评九十四中外语组开放作文的评分要求：1）逻辑是否清晰2）语言表达是否准确Step1：showyourideas让学生再次思考立意出现的积极合理的立意：不能自私互相帮助承担责任团结就是力量面对共同问题时不要推卸责任解决共同的问题，清楚共同的垃圾老鼠是世界环境的破坏者，各国国家之间不要自私要合作，停止破坏环境，保护世界共同环境。不可接受的立意中西方文化交流单方面帮助别人自扫门前雪父子关系不合，老鼠做协调人父子对待问题和困难，有不同方法，缺乏沟通。（老鼠在同区域）Ascanbeseeninthepicture,twomenarehol
2、dingsticksreadytokillthemouse.Whentheydrivethemousetothecommonarea,bothofthemexpecttheothertocatchit.Iftheyworktogether,theywillsurelykillthemouse.Step2：描图与立意的逻辑统一cooperationAscanbeseeninthepicture,twomenareholdingsticksreadytokillthemouse.Whentheydrivethemousetothecommonar
3、ea,bothofthemexpecttheothertocatchit.Ifonehelpstheotherkillthemouse,hewillsurelyliveapeacefullifewithoutamouse.Step2：描图与立意的逻辑统一HelpingothersmeanshelpingourselvesStep4:Onepossibleversion-合作Ascanbeseeninthepicture,twomenareholdingsticksreadytokillthemouse.Whentheydrivethemous
4、etothecommonarea,bothofthemexpecttheothertocatchit.Iftheyworktogether,theywillsurelykillthemouse.Thepicturetellsusthatweshouldcooperatetoovercomethedifficulties.Thetwomenarejustlikewestudentsandthemouseisjustlikethedifficultiessharedbyus.Infaceofdifficulties,eachofusshouldt
5、akeonourownresponsibilityandworktogethertoachievesuccess.Justasanoldsayinggoes:unityisstrength.Onlywhenweworktogetherwillsuccesscome.Step4:Onepossibleversion-互助Ascanbeseeninthepicture,twomenareholdingsticksreadytokillthemouse.Whentheydrivethemousetothecommonarea,bothoftheme
6、xpecttheothertocatchit.Ifonehelpstheotherkillthemouse,hewillsurelyliveapeacefullifewithoutamouse.Thepicturetellsusthathelpingothersmeanshelpingourselves.Thetwomenarejustlikewestudentsandthemouseisjustlikethecommondifficultmathproblemsinourstudies.Infaceoftheproblems,discuss
7、ionandhelpingeachothermayimproveandbenefitbothofus.Soinmyopinion,thosewhoarealwaysreadytohelpothersarethosewhoimprovethemselvesatthesametime.Onepossibleversion(范文-未修改）Fromthepicturewecanseetwomenstandingintwoareas,eachholdingastickreadytokillthemiceinhisarea.Betweenthemisan
8、areawhereamouseisplayingfreely,butneitherofthetwomenseemstonoticeit.Theybothexpect
