四六级备考月写作大作战范文赏析

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1、四六级备考月写作大作战范文赏析 来源：沪江部落  评论：1 收藏8·编辑点评：为帮助大家更好地掌握写作技巧，沪江网校近期举行了四六级写作大作战活动，目前活动已圆满结束，我们一起来欣赏活动中部分沪友的写作作品及网校名师点评吧！四级作文题目：Directions:Forthispart,youareallowed 30 minutestowriteanessay.Youshouldstartyouressaywithabriefdescriptionofthepictureandthenexpressyou

2、rviewsonwaterpollution.Youshouldwriteatleast 120 wordsbutnomorethan 180 words.沪友四级作文：沪友ID：卿小萱Inthispictureitshowusabouttwofishesdialogue.Wecanknowthewaterwasnotsofreshbecausethefishescan'tliveintheremorethanthreedays.Fromthisshortdialogueinpictureweneedt

3、hough,whyfishwanttotoldotherfishescan'tusethewater.Itwasobviouslythatthewaterwasbeenpolluted.Nowadays,withthecountrydevelop,lotsoffactoryinordertogetmuchmoneyandmoreconvenient,thenputthewaterthatwaspollutedintotheriver.Wateristhesourceoffulllife.Weneedcl

4、eanwater,sodoanimals.Whywesoselfishtomakelittlemoneythenmakethewaterdirty.Italsoharmfulforus.Weshouldtelleveryoneprotectanimalsisalsomeansprotectus.评分：4分评语：基本切题，连贯性差，大部分句子都有错误，有较多的严重语言错误，如第一句it是第三人称单数，后面的动词show应该是shows，且用法是showsb.sth.，about不需要；第二段的两句话都存在

5、语法错误，wanttotold，wasbeenpolluted等；一些句子缺少谓语，如Italsoharmfulforus。沪友ID：零夕静waterpollutionAsisvividly showed inthepicture,afish told toanotherfishthewaterofseacan'tbeusedforthreedaysandhopeeachfish knowsthatthentoleavethere.Theimpliedmeaningofthepictureshouldb

6、etakenintoaccountseriously. Then thereasonisthatthehumanpollutethewaterandatlastfisheshavenoplacetolive.Inmyopinion,weneedtakesomemeasurestoreducewaterpollution.Tobeginwiththat,weknowsome factoriessewage intheriver inordertosaving moremoney.Sothegovernme

7、ntshouldmakethelawtoimposerestrictionsonthefactories'dischargecapacity.Secondly,weshouldhave a awardofprotectingthewater.Inourdailylife,weshouldusethedetergentwithoutphosphorusandsoon.Thesocialproblemhasarisenthegreatconcerninourwholeworld.Wemustpaymorea

8、ttention thisproblemsafterdays .Atlast,Ihopeeveryonecanprotectourwatereveryday.Becausewaterismostimportantforhuman.评分：9分评语：切题，表达思路清楚，文字连贯，但有好几处语法错误和表达不规范，如首句中show的过去分词形式是shown；第二段award前的不定冠词应该是an而不是a，inordertodosth.to接的应该是