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1、AFTERtheAFFAIRHealingthePainandRebuildingTrustWhenaPartnerHasBeenUnfaithfulJANISABRAHMSSPRING,PH.D.WITHMICHAELSPRINGTomybestbuddies,Aaron,Max,andMichaelContentsAcknowledgmentsviIntroduction—CanaCoupleSurviveInfidelity?1StageOneReactingtotheAffair:“IsWhatI’mFeeli
2、ngNormal?”71TheHurtPartner’sResponse:BuriedinanAvalancheofLosses92TheUnfaithfulPartner’sResponse:LostinaLabyrinthofChoices37StageTwoReviewingYourOptions:“ShouldIStayorLeave?”613ExploringYourIdeasAboutLove634ConfrontingYourDoubtsandFears80StageThreeRecoveringfrom
3、theAffair:“HowDoWeRebuildOurLifeTogether?”1075LearningfromtheAffair1096RestoringTrust1477HowtoTalkAboutWhatHappened1678SexAgain1929LearningtoForgive234Epilogue—RevealingtheSecret:TruthandConsequences249Notes259Bibliography271Index281AbouttheAuthorsPraiseCoverCop
4、yrightAboutthePublisherAcknowledgmentsWhenIfirststartedgivingworkshopsincouplestherapy,I’dleavefif-teenminutesattheendtodiscussthetreatmentofinfidelity.Gradually,asitbecameclearthatvirtuallynothinghadbeenwrittenonhowtohelpcoupleswhoweretryingtorecoverfromanaffai
5、r,Idecidedtofocusmytalksandprivatepracticeonthistopic,andtowritethisbook.Atfirst,Igotmixedreactions.Patientsandtherapistssaid,“Great.WhencanIgetacopy?”Friendssaid,“Howexciting.Let’shaveaparty.”Acquaintancessaid,“ThankGodthishasnothingtodowithme.”Publishersandedi
6、torssaid,“Yes,there’sdefinitelyaneedforsuchabook,butwillanyonebebraveenoughtopickitupandbringittothecashier?”WhileIwaslookingforaneditor,Ifoundthatmorethanonewasafraidtotouchitforfearthatitwouldstirupproblemsintheirrelationships.“Ihaveagoodmarriage,”oneeditortol
7、dme.“I’mafraidthismaterialwillinfectus.”Fortunately,onceHarperCollinsboughtthebook,andmyhusband,Michael,agreedtohelpmewriteit,everyoneseemedtostandbehindit.Ineverknewwhatitmeant,ortook,towriteabook.NowIknow.Andnow,everytimeIwalkintoabookstoreorlibrary,Iaminaweof
8、theincredibleexpenditureoftimeandenergysomanypeoplemakejusttoputtheirideasintoprint.IwentintothisprojectthinkingIwasanexpert,butthemoreIinter-viewedandtreatedcouples,
