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1、作文题目：“WomenintheModernWorld”提纲：1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.例1．（2分段）Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimport
2、antpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,o
3、nlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewomentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedth
4、eliberationofwomen.点评：条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有错误，有的甚至影响理解。具体问题剖析：(1)缺乏逻辑，东一句西一句，没有围绕中心论述，如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变，说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。（2）用汉语思维，句子有明显的汉语痕迹，如“Whatmencandosocanwomen.”，应改为“Womencandowhatmencando”。（3）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如“Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened”，应改为“Thecasethathusb
5、andhitshiswifeoftenhappens.”（4）拼写错误很多，大部分句子均有错误。例2．（5分段）Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscie
6、ntistalso.Theyeventnewthingstoimproveourlife.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity.Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.Butnowitischanged.Theyareequaltoherhusband.Theyhavetherig
7、htofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Wealsoshouldrealize,women’libertyarelimited.Forexample,manyfactorieswantmenbecomeitsworkersbutthechanceofwomenislessthanm
