我的地盘我做主psychologytoday

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1、I’mstillfiguringouthowtodoboundarieswell.Likemanypeople,I’mprettygoodatsettingaboundary.Butoncethatboundaryiscrossed,Igetflummoxed.我还在为如何处理好界限问题而纠结。和许多人一样，我很善于设立界限，但对别人的越界，我却不知如何是好。Iusuallyresentitwhensomeonestepsonmyboundaries,becausethey’reputtingmeinapositionwhereIh

2、avetospeakupformyself.通常我很讨厌别人踩踏我的界线，因为这会迫使我奋起抗争。Andthat’suncomfortable.而抗争让我很不舒服。SoI’mcontinuallyworkingonboundariesinmypersonallife,andwhatI’vediscoveredisthatthere’snorewardfordoingagoodjob.我不断为个人生活中的界限而劳心费神，到头来却发现，做得再好也没好报。WhenImanagetosayNotosomeone(orputlimitsonh

3、owmuchIgive)despitemyguiltyfeelingsaboutdoingso,nobodygivesmeamedal.当我努力克制着内疚向别人说“不”（或为自己的付出设立底线）时，没人念我的好。I’mmorelikelytogetasourlookthanaprizeforholdingmyboundaries.我维护自己的界限，得到的不是别人念我的好，而是别人难看的脸色。That’swhatmakesboundarymaintenancesodifficult.这就是为什么坚持自己的界限会那么难。Whatitco

4、mesdownto,though,isaharddecision.Iaskmyselfthis:不过，归根结底，这是一个艰难的抉择。我扪心自问：DoIwanttotoleratepotentialconflictbydefendingmyboundaries,ordoIwanttofeelresentfuleverytimeIletsomeonecrossthem?是坚持界限而可能得罪人好呢？还是容忍别人跨界而让自己的不爽好？Here’swhatI’velearnedaboutboundaries,andmuchofitI’msti

5、llgettingthehangof…下面是我关于界限的一些看法，其中很多还处于探讨之中......TipsforBetterBoundaries如何设立更好的界限1.Getclearonexactlywhattheboundaryis.Whereareyougoingtodrawtheline?Isitokayforyourroommatetoeatyourfoodaslongasshereplacesit?Orisitsimplynotokayforhertotouchyourstuff?1.弄清楚界限到底是什么。打算设立什么样

6、的界限？是只要事后补齐，舍友就可以随便吃你的东西？还是她压根就不许动你的东西？Ifyou’renotclearonwhatyourboundariesare,otherswon’tbeeither.如果你自己都不清楚自己的界线，别人也没法弄清楚。2.Decideonconsequencesaheadoftime.Whatwillhappenifsomeonecrossesaboundary?Iftherearenoconsequences,theremightaswellbenoboundaries.Willyoustoptalki

7、ngtothem?Removeprivileges?Gohome?Withdrawfinancialsupport?Orsimplycallouttheirbehavior?2.提前考虑好后果。别人越界会有什么后果？如果没什么后果，那么界限还是不设的好。你会不再搭理人家？不再给人家特权？会打道回府？会终止对其经济资助？或者会干脆指责他们的行为？Somethingneedstohappenwhenotherssteponyourtoes.Whatwillitbe?别人惹到你，应该承担后果。那么，后果会是什么呢？3.Expectviol

8、ations.Youcanbeabsolutelycertainthatifyousetanewboundarywithpeoplewhoalreadyknowyou,thatboundarywillbetested.Thatmean