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1、THESHADOWLINEACONFESSIONByJOSEPHCONRAD"Worthyofmyundyingregard"TOBORYSANDALLOTHERSWHO,LIKEHIMSELF,HAVECROSSEDINEARLYYOUTHTHESHADOWLINEOFTHEIRGENERATIONWITHLOVEPARTONE--D'autrefois,calmeplat,grandmiroirDemondesespoir.--BAUDELAIREChapterIONLYtheyounghavesuchmoments.Idon'tmeantheveryyoung.No.Thever
2、yyounghave,properlyspeaking,nomoments.Itistheprivi-legeofearlyyouthtoliveinadvanceofitsdaysinallthebeautifulcontinuityofhopewhichknowsnopausesandnointrospection.Oneclosesbehindonethelittlegateofmereboyishness--andentersanenchantedgarden.Itsveryshadesglowwithpromise.Everyturnofthepathhasitsseduct
3、ion.Anditisn'tbecauseitisanundiscoveredcountry.Oneknowswellenoughthatallmankindhadstreamedthatway.Itisthecharmofuniversalexperiencefromwhichoneexpectsanuncommonorpersonalsensation--abitofone'sown.Onegoesonrecognizingthelandmarksofthepredecessors,excited,amused,takingthehardluckandthegoodlucktoge
4、ther--thekicksandthehalfpence,asthesayingis--thepicturesquecommonlotthatholdssomanypossibilitiesforthedeservingorperhapsforthelucky.Yes.Onegoeson.Andthetime,too,goeson--tilloneperceivesaheadashadow-linewarningonethattheregionofearlyyouth,too,mustbeleftbe-hind.Thisistheperiodoflifeinwhichsuchmome
5、ntsofwhichIhavespokenarelikelytocome.Whatmoments?Why,themomentsofboredom,ofweariness,ofdissatisfaction.Rashmoments.Imeanmomentswhenthestillyoungareinclinedtocommitrashactions,suchasgettingmarriedsuddenlyorelsethrowingupajobfornorea-son.Thisisnotamarriagestory.Itwasn'tsobadasthatwithme.Myaction,r
6、ashasitwas,hadmorethecharacterofdivorce--almostofdeser-tion.FornoreasononwhichasensiblepersoncouldputafingerIthrewupmyjob--chuckedmyberth--lefttheshipofwhichtheworstthatcouldbesaidwasthatshewasasteamshipandtherefore,perhaps,notentitledtothatblindloyaltywhich....However,it'snousetry-ingtoputaglos
7、sonwhatevenatthetimeImyselfhalfsuspectedtobeacaprice.ItwasinanEasternport.ShewasanEasternship,inasmuchasthenshebelongedtothatport.Shetradedamongdarkislandsonabluereef-scarredsea,withtheRedEnsignoverthetaffrailandathermasthea
