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1、TheDreamOfaRidiculousMan荒唐人的梦byFyodorDostoevskyTranslatedbyConstanceGarnett.IIamaridiculousperson.Nowtheycallmeamadman.ThatwouldbeapromotionifitwerenotthatIremainasdiculousintheireyesasbefore.ButnowIdonotresentit,theyarealldeartomenow,evenwhentheylaughatme-and,indeed,itisjustthenthattheyareparticula
2、rlydeartome.Icouldjoinintheirlaughter-notexactlyatmyself,butthroughaffectionforthem,ifIdidnotfeelsosadasIlookatthem.SadbecausetheydonotknowthetruthandIdoknowit.Oh,howharditistobetheonlyonewhoknowsthetruth!Buttheywon'tunderstandthat.No,theywon'tunderstandit.InolddaysIusedtobemiserableatseemingridicul
3、ous.Notseeming,butbeing.Ihavealwaysbeenridiculous,andIhaveknownit,perhaps,fromthehourIwasborn.PerhapsfromthetimeIwassevenyearsoldIknewIwasridiculous.AfterwardsIwenttoschool,studiedattheuniversity,and,doyouknow,themoreIlearned,themoreoroughlyunderstoodthatIwasridiculous.Sothatitseemedintheendasthough
4、allthesciencesIstudiedattheuniversityexistedonlytoproveandmakeevidenttomeasIwentmoredeeplyintothemthatIwasridiculous.Itwasthesamewithlifeasitwaswithscience.WitheveryyearthesameconsciousnessoftheridiculousfigureIcutineveryrelationgrewandstrengthened.Everyonealwayslaughedatme.Butnotoneofthemkneworgues
5、sedthatiftherewereonemanonearthwhoknewbetterthananybodyelsethatIwasabsurd,itwasmyself,andwhatIresentedmostofallwasthattheydidnotknowthat.Butthatwasmyownfault;Iwassoproudthatnothingwouldhaveeverinducedmetotellittoanyone.Thispridegrewinmewiththeyears;andifithadhappenedthatIallowedmyselftoconfesstoanyo
6、neatIasridiculous,IbelievethatIshouldhaveblownoutmybrainsthesameevening.Oh,howIsufferedinmyearlyyouthfromthefearthatImightgivewayandconfessittomyschoolfellows.ButsinceIgrewtomanhood,Ihaveforsomeunknownreasonbecomecalmer,thoughIrealisedmyawfulcharacteristicmorefullyeveryyear.Isay'unknown',fortothisda
7、yIcannottellwhyitwas.Perhapsitwasowingtotheterriblemiserythatwasgrowinginmysoulthroughsomethingwhichwasofmoresequencethananythingelseaboutme:thatsomethingwastheconvictionthathadcomeuponmethatnothingin