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1、TheObligationsandResponsibilitiestoMarriageIhadgivenatalkonfamilychangeonenight.AtdinnerafterwardsIwassubjectedtoahostilequizzingbyagroupofwomenintheirthirtieswhoclaimedthatmywholeanalysisignoredthemostbasicchangeofall.Theytookoffensetomystatementthatafamilyconsistsofahusband,awifeandc
2、hildren,theysaid.They,asagroupofsinglewomen,werebestfriends,supportedoneanother,anddefinedoneanotheras"family".Marriageandhavingkidswerenowirrelevant,andintheiropinion,thatwasthemostbasicsocialchange.Lookingbackonit,Ifindtheywereright,butthisrisingtideofchangeisitselftheproblem.Familyi
3、s,ifanything,thelinkbetweengenerations,thecenterofchildrearingandculturaltransmission.It'snotjusta"bigstadium"whereeveryonecanenjoytheshow.Bothmarriageandfamilyinvolvelong-termobligationsandresponsibilityforsharedcare,notjustthesearchofhappiness,thathollowgoalofthemodernage.Itseemsthat
4、lovehasgotoutofhand.Themodernnuclearfamilywasrootedinthedesiretolivehappilyinamoreequalmarriage,wheretheraisingofchildrenandtheinvestmentofbothparentsinthechildren'sliveswereguaranteedbybondsoffriendshipbetweentheparents,whichwerebasedonrationallove.Thereisanaturaltendencyforanyrelatio
5、nshipbasedonvoluntaryaffectiontocomeapart,butmarriageprovidestheglueneededtokeepacoupletogetherbyprovidingtiesoffamily,inconjunctionwiththeobligationsofparentstochildren.WhatpeoplecallthenewLoveFamily,unfortunately,hasreplacedapermanentrelationshipwithanewidealofunlimitedchoice.Wecanno
6、wnotonlychooseourmarriagepartner,wealsocandivorcethatpartneratwill,subjectchildrentoourownadultworshipofhappiness,anddenytheotherparentanyregularcontactwiththeirchildren.Wecaneven,ifwewant,interprettheterm"family"toincludepeoplewhoarenotrelatedtouseitherbybloodormarriage—asetofclosefri
7、endswhosupportoneanother,likethewomenImentionedabove.Throwinthefaithfuldogifyoulike.Familyiswhateverwewantittobe.Thetroubleis,suchanelasticclassificationignorestheproblemofchildrenandthewiderproblemofcaringforothers.Ifmarriageexistsonlyasaromanticrelationshipthatcanbeendedatwill,andf
